Are Two Nationalities Less Than One?
Or the trouble with identity
Having lived in France for over 15 years, I now have a double nationality: I am both Finnish and French. I became a naturalized French citizen over seven years ago, though I still remember the two-inch dossier required…
I used to think that having several nationalities equalled adding them up — that you could be both French and Finnish and the richer for it. Contrary to what people sometimes seem to believe, I still think that one nationality, one identity does not take anything away from the other. You can be several things at the same time, and this makes you greater than the sum of the parts.
However, I have recently come to think that more might in some ways also be less: instead of being both a Finn and a Frenchwoman, I (sometimes) feel that I am neither.
Although I like to think of myself as French, I doubt I will ever be française in the eyes of the French. [1] This is my gut feeling in any case. And, despite my Finnish roots and a nearly a quarter of a decade of my youth spent there, I do not feel like a proper Finn anymore (if there is such a thing).
So instead of having two nationalities, two identities that build upon one another, I feel that I have none.
Well, I might at least rebrand myself as European. But, who cares, really, and why should I? National identity is overrated; there are so many other factors that define who you are.
Recently, I have also been thinking of the possibility of going someday back to Finland and living in Finland again. However, I feel quite ill-equipped to undertake this endeavour, as I have never actually worked in Finland, apart from a few summer jobs and internships. I have no idea what the current work life is like there and whether or not it would meet my preferences.
This is part of a bigger issue that I have regarding the image I have of Finland—which is probably somewhat caricatural, idealised in some cases and overtly negative in others — and firmly stuck in the early 2000s. I reality, life is movement: people, cultures and countries are not static but evolve in time.
Although there are a few life choices that I might have made differently, I do not regret coming to France. I would not be the same person without this experience and its many unanticipated consequences. Notably, I might have never discovered that I am a crazy cat lady; now that is a frightful thought indeed.
I do, however, sometimes wonder whether my life would have been easier had I stayed in Finland. Perhaps, although I am not sure — as life tends to happen. But, again, easiness is overrated; difficulties are oftentimes the best occasion to learn and to grow.
[1] Note: to test this hypothesis, I should probably do a poll with my French colleagues/acquintances: do they see me as a) French, b) Finnish, c) both, d) neither or e) other (specify what?).
