Self-confidence: nurturing inner strength to be successful in your career and increase general well-being.

“Whether you think you can or whether you think you can’t, you’re right.”

– Henry Ford

By tradition, the end of the year was marked as the occasion to summarise accomplishments and look into the “to-do list” you made on previous New Year’s eve, as well as creating New Year resolutions for the next year to come. Promises to become better, to reach new horizons, and accomplish new skills.

And, thus we are aware of the benefits of reviewing accomplishments and planning new goals, there is a certain amount of stress and dissatisfaction around this activity. Why?

We tend to connect our success with the things we accomplished, both in our career and personal life. Therefore, when we are not reaching the goal we associated with our worth, our level of satisfaction and well-being decreases.

2020 as a year has brought us hell a lot of new challenges, which impacted the confidence of many. Suddenly, we can’t live anymore the life that we thought was ordinary — do things which make us happy, such as traveling or seeing our family. Some of us had to change career paths or look for a new job.

Objectively, there were a lot of “black swans” that this year has brought. But there are also subjective reasons, connected with self-confidence, which also could have been affected by recent events.

The way we feel about ourselves impacts the way we approach difficulties. It affects our performance and, overall, life satisfaction. People who suffer from Imposter Syndrome, for example, are more likely to get burnout. Therefore, now is a crucial time to talk about self-confidence as a skill, both for your personal life and development, and, more important, for your general wellbeing.

Why is it important to be self-confident?

Self-confidence is an individual’s trust in his or her own abilities, capacities, and judgments, in other words — a belief that he or she is capable to successfully face day to day challenges.

Some researches distinguish self-confidence and self-esteem as first being an outward-facing (the ability to interact successfully with the world around you) and second as internalized (as your own self-respect and how you value yourself).

Here we gonna use the term self-confidence as a holistic characteristic of how we feel about our abilities and how capable we see ourselves of doing certain things or handling different situations.

In general, self-confidence brings more happiness to our lives. When we feel better about our own capabilities, the more energized and motivated we are to take action to achieve goals.

Some studies show a strong relationship between self-confidence and positive mental health. Having adequate self-confidence can be also impactful to your career, and is described in the following characteristics:

1. You are likely to ask for new responsibilities or salary raise if you have a greater feeling of self-worth;
2. Generally, you enjoy more activities outside of work, thus, your life is more balanced;
3. You are suffering less from destructive self-doubt — meaning that you accept criticism from your manager in a more constructive way;
4. You take your anxieties under control and don’t let your fears overcome your ambitions in career growth.
5. Being more confident, you simply have more energy to do things you like and excited about;

Aren’t you still assured this is an important topic to dig into if you want to succeed with your professional development?

What can go wrong if you are guided by low self-confidence:

1. Perfectionism as a desire to do things perfectly will likely lead you to burnout;
2. Procrastination as a fear to start doing things that matter will lead to failing the deadlines and commitments you made;
3. Focus on achievements rather than process and flow will cause constant stress and will reduce the joy you can get from your work;
4. Imposter Syndrome as an outcome of all mentioned below can sabotage your career, as you wouldn’t dare to ask for a promotion, step out of your comfort zone, or even take gratitude for the good work you’ve done.

An important note to mention: I’m talking about adequate and balanced self-confidence. Being too secure about one’s capabilities and not overlooking the risks might be as challenging as having low self-confidence.

The normal amount of self-doubt is crucial for your self-reflection and self-awareness. Have you ever heard about the Dunning-Kruger effect? The Dunning-Kruger effect is a cognitive bias in which poor performers greatly overestimate their abilities. If you’re in doubt, means that you also reflect on your own skills and that you are in the process of growth. What is important is to not let these feelings be destructive.

We all think about our worth from time to time, but if you want to track it with psychologically proven questionnaires, you can get it done by checking classical Rosenberg’s Survey.

Building an unbreakable Self-Confidence.

There are dozens of research made from many perspectives on this topic in psychology and career coaching. The one I found most effective and insightful is coming from Matthew Hussey. By following this concept you will get rid of the biggest myths a theory and practice the one self-confidence is built on. Curious? Let’s go deeper.

Our internal confidence is determined by how much control we have to close the gap between where we are now and where we want to be (or what we want to achieve). For example, I’m a Junior Recruiter now and I want to become Head of People one day.

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So the level of your confidence is determined by two things:

1 — How large is the gap between those where you are now and what you want to become?

2 — Do you feel the capacity to close this gap?

Remember: you can be far away from where your goal and but still be confident (and, on the contrary, you might be on the top of the career ladder and still feel like an impostor)

Let’s talk about three layers of confidence that exist:

The surface layer — the way you look, the way your voice sounds, your facial expression, your posture, your actions, the way you lead conversations, etc.

It is, in the nutshell, an external reflection of your inner confidence. It is also something which can be played by the “fake it until you make it” (which is not the most sustainable one and doesn’t help your inner worth feeling)

The next layer is the lifestyle layer — the confidence you get from the world you create around you. It is what you choose to do with your time and your environment, and ultimately it determines who you are and what you have in life.

In other words, it creates “constructed identity” — something that the majority of coaches work on and think is relevant to cultivate. Why do I disagree with it?

Constructed identity is made from such things as a career, our earnings, hobbies, and interests we have, the family or a partner we choose, our friends, the condition of our body, our skills (like playing the piano or learning a new language, etc)

So, the lifestyle also determines how confident we are. Which works well until you do have these things. However, it doesn’t last if accomplishments disappear. Life is harsh and unpredictable — you can lose the job during a pandemic, your relationships with friends or loved ones can change, you can lose interest in the sport you were successful in. And if your self-esteem depends on these conditional factors — you will struggle, as your identity is broken.

Therefore, the most important is the Core Layer. The core confidence is centered around your beliefs about yourself — what is your worth, what do you deserve in life, what is your potential. It’s not about how much you have achieved already, it’s about what you believe is possible for you.

If you have your core layer strong, you can lose everything and still feel capable of changing your life for the better, starting from scratch, learning from the mistakes you made.

And it is very much dependent on your ability to love yourself.

What you can start doing to work on your core confidence right away?

Let’s admit it — it’s much easier to advise on how to develop your surface and lifestyle layers of confidence. Gaining new skills, new hobbies, and interests is easier than shifting the core belief about yourself, especially if that includes the bitterness of self-doubt and insecurity. However, working on your core confidence is to have a much longer effect and is more sustainable in stressful situations. And where do we need our confidence more than in periods of crisis?

For those who regularly question their self-worth, learning to love yourself in practice, day-by-day, and unconditionally — is a life-time journey. However, every journey starts with the first step. And here are a few I recommend you to follow:

Step 1: Get to know your values and think back to them when in doubt.

The key is to start focusing on yourself rather than comparing yourself with others. In the era of social media and narcissism, it’s easier said, than done. However, if you focus on your values rather than only on accomplishments that have to be achieved you will always have your anchor.

When you feel anxious about what other people think of you, ask yourself: whom would you like to give the power to control your life? If you want to own your path, then stick to your values and beliefs.

Step 2: Recognise bad thought rumination

Practice stopping your inner critic — notice the automatic thoughts that pop into your head and pay attention to the way you talk to yourself. When you notice a negative thought, grab onto it and either write it down or just sit and think about it for a moment.

For example, if you catch yourself thinking, “You’re such a failure! You can’t do anything right!” try to replace it with a compassionate phrase like, “Everyone makes mistakes sometimes. How can I learn from it?”

Step 3: Make failure your best coach

If you want to be successful in something, accept you are going to fail. It is an inevitable part of growth. The way you interpret mistakes is what matters. Go to Step 2 and stop the rumination process of your negative thoughts :)

To practice accepting failure, engage in some activities that you know you will fail at. I know, it sounds terrible! Practicing fuck-ups can be just as important as practicing success. You will see that the world is not gonna end if you won’t make it perfect. Take risks and set stretch goals for yourself.

Step 3: Challenge yourself

To move forward, you need to learn to be fine when feeling uncomfortable. All of the good things happen when you step up out of your comfort zone and you have to learn yourself not to freak out about it. Please, also don’t rake it as advice to get to constantly overwhelming situations

If you have low self-confidence, you probably don’t like taking risks — whether those risks involve physical activity, going for a new job or promotion, talking to someone you like, or just trying a new activity. It’s a classic catch: your low self-confidence encourages you to avoid doing the exact things that would help you build up your self-confidence.

Important: Do not focus on the result — but more on the process that enjoys and the positive feelings it brings. It can be a silly dance with no rhythm movements (aka “Dance like nobody watching”) or practicing a new language on the streets when shopping.

Building up self-confidence and working on your self-assurance is rather a life-long journey, than a destination. However, continuously building your inner strength and self-worth skills will definitely empower you to move forward driven by desires and goals you have and don’t get occupied by fear. Let’s be bold enough to make the first steps!