You May be Networking but not Connecting with Anyone
10 things I think about every day.
My fifth grade teacher, Mrs. Higley, was one of my favorites. I think she had empathy for some of the less popular students, or maybe she just liked giving us reasons to tell each other why we were loved. On Valentines Day, she had us write what we liked about each person in the class on a small piece of paper for each other student, we we exchanged at the end of the day. A little background on my personality…
I was so shy as a kid. Painfully shy. I would hide behind my mom when we were out in public, I was friendly with everyone but didn’t have a ton of friends, and frankly, was socially awkward. The only time I wasn’t shy was when in spelling class. I could spell with the best of them. Spelling Bees made my world go round, even earning third place in the City of Pittsburgh Diocesan Spelling Bee in 6th grade, one of my most proud accomplishments of my middle school years (truth.). So, I was excited about Valentines Day because I really wanted to know what the other kids liked about me.
After school that day, I was so anxious to read each note. Here is what I received:
‘I like you because you are nice.’
‘ I like you because you are a good speler’ (yep, spelled wrong, which always made me smile.)
‘I like you because you are shy.’
I hated that last one. I probably cried. I desperately wanted to NOT be shy. That “project” was incremental in changing my life, to be quite honest (Thanks, Mrs. Higley).
Having worked in high schools with thousands of students every day for the past two years, I meet students all the time who are eager to advance in pursuing what they are passionate about, but are too shy to ask how, and I empathize with them. This is not something that is taught in school. It’s just something they are forced to figure out. My mission is to change that, which is a topic for another post (or you can email me or Tweet me if you want to discuss).
What I’ve also noticed is that professionals of all ages think that networking with thousands of people is going to be their way to find their dream job or employ the right person. I just read on Linked In where someone posted a Discussion asking who would be willing to accept all Invitations to Connect. One young professional said he was looking for a job and wanted to “network with as many people as possible.” Yikes.
Insert ‘cringe moment’ here.
Even though I still consider myself an introvert, I love connecting my friends to each other, especially when their relationship can be mutually beneficial. Seriously, it’s one of the most exciting things for me to see play out successfully and I’ve built stronger relationships by doing so. So, what’s the difference between networking and connecting, why does it matter, and how can you be a good connector even if you are shy?
Networking, to me, means meeting someone, exchanging business cards, but not really knowing who they are or what they are passionate about. I used to go to networking events, collect 30 business cards, and never look at them again. I hated feeling like people were pitching me their product/company/business within the first few moments of speaking to them. I met some people the other day who, within SECONDS of meeting me, were handing me their business cards but still had not even told me their names! Poke my eye out.
First and Foremost:
Connecting happens when you genuinely give a shit.
If you really don’t care about people, you may or may not find value in this post. (Although I would be interested in finding out if you do.)
1 — Connecting takes time.
It’s not about handing someone a business card and expecting to get a phone call when they need the next web developer, graphic designer, lawyer, etc. It’s about building a relationship with someone OVER TIME. Be patient.
2 — There is a right way and a wrong way to work a “networking” event.
Learn about other people, find out what they are passionate about and what they are currently working on. I’ll post more on this in the future on my blog.
3 — If your mission is to network with as many people as possible, you’re doing it wrong.
“You gain more by finding a rich mine and mining it deeper, than by flitting from one shallow mine to another.” Robert Greene
4 — Don’t try to sell someone something the first time you talk.
5 — Give often, even if you don’t think you have anything to offer.
Get creative. Find out what other people need and give it to them. This does not require things that cost money. It does require asking questions.
6 — Treat Social Media like real life.
If you send someone an invitation to connect, send them a message. Even if you just say “I came across your profile and I noticed we are passionate about some of the same things, so I just wanted to say ‘hi’ and tell you I love your work!” Obviously you want this to be natural. The Internet is a great tool. People would not have an Internet presence if they didn’t expect or want others to find them. Everyone likes a little ego stroke on occasion. This HAS GOT to be genuine. I can see right through ingenuity and it’s a fast way to get blocked.
7 —Stop sending automatic messages.
This is the quickest way for me to block you/unfollow you. No one wants to be spammed. Send me a message because you give a shit. Not as a tactic to market your product.
8 — Don’t verbally vomit on people.
I know you’re excited because what you have to offer is the best ever of it’s kind of ALL TIME and you can’t stop talking about it because duh, everyone needs it. This is what friends are for, not new acquaintances.
9 — Don’t have an agenda.
Don’t go into situations or meet people with an agenda in mind. Most people can see through this.
10 — Learn from your mistakes.
If you recognize that you have done something wrong or offended someone, it’s never too late to recognize this and try to redeem yourself. On the flipside, it’s actually a good way to gain respect.
You may find these links and strategies helpful. If you do, let me know. Here are some additional resources.
Scott Dinsmore — Live Your Legend. He can teach you How to Connect with Anyone. There is a Webinar Tuesday night, September 3…. If there is still room, I would definitely participate in this if I were you! If you do participate, connect with me. @scottdinsmore
The Feel Good Lifestyle — “The ‘Fishbowl Philosophy’: How to Change Your Perspective and Expand Your Reach” by Ginger Kern. @thefeelgoodlifestyle
9 Networking Secrets from a Super Connector by Dave Kerpen. If you click that, you probably have to create a LinkedIn account to read it. LinkedIn is a great way to connect with people. @davekerpen
The Rise of the SuperConnector by Shane Snow via FastCompany. @shanesnow
