You Don’t Find Your Passion…lt Finds You.
I’ve always desired to live a purpose-driven life. However, the influences and demands of conventional society always seemed to interfere with my ability to find and live such a life. It wasn’t for lack of trying on my part. I consulted career coaches, read dozens of career books, studied, and explored a variety of fields. Nevertheless, year after year I found nothing but dead ends and frustration at my inability to “find my passion”. Until one day that all changed…
As we’re being raised and socialized to become productive members of society, most of us are indoctrinated into a particular way of life: get good grades, go to college, get a steady job, have a family, take on a mortgage, and work toward retirement. After all, this formula has fed the economic machinery of industrialized nations for the last century. Yet at the same time, there has been a rising tide of respected voices who eschew such advice and admonish us to “find our passion” and “live our purpose”. This is great advice that I believe is moving society in the right direction. Unfortunately, I don’t see a lot of advice on exactly how to find one’s passion. As a result, many people are left feeling a tremendous sense of pressure and guilt when they can’t seem to find their passion.
Many of us have put a lot of pressure on ourselves to live big, meaningful lives that will have an impact and leave a legacy. We’re told to never settle and pursue our passion at all costs. We seek and seek for our passion, but it just doesn’t seem to exist. “Maybe it’s this. Maybe it’s that. I’m not really sure. This particular career seems to check the boxes on paper, but it still doesn’t feel like I thought it would feel.” We are left with more uncertainty and feelings of failure. Maybe you’ve entertained thoughts that a purpose-driven life is just not in the cards for you. Maybe you’ve resolved that your purpose is nothing more than to work 40 hours a week for a paycheck with hopes of at least being able to enjoy the money you’ve earned, but that just doesn’t seem to cut it.
It wasn’t until I stopped seeking, stopped trying to control my life, and started letting life live me that my passion finally appeared. I resolved to experience life with a light touch, treat it as a great adventure, and travel with the current to wherever it would lead me. I stopped thinking only of the short term and how I was going to pay the bills. I realized that I actually need very little to survive and to experience joy. I trusted that I could handle whatever life has in store for me. Once I had nothing left to lose, I had nothing left to fear. It was then and only then that my passion found me. It was then and only then that I was ready for it and worthy of it.
People tend to think that they need to consciously control every aspect of their life or it will fall apart. Yet we don’t consciously have to make our heart beat, our lungs breathe, or our stomachs digest. Somehow there’s an underlying “intelligence” and mechanism that manages to make all of these miracle happen every second of the day. We don’t even control most of our thoughts. They usually just tend to flow into our awareness unbid. As Sam Harris would say “Or haven’t you noticed?” I’ve found that in generating less noise with my thoughts and being more in tune with the material world that my life is more organized and in better shape than it’s ever been.
There’s a well-known saying: “When the student is ready, the teacher will appear.” And so it is with purpose and passion. My advice is to let go the reins of control a little; make yourself open and available. Expose yourself to different things, people, and places. Be willing to explore new opportunities. Work on your ability to perceive and be aware in the present moment. Experience life! Don’t be in a rush to find your purpose, but be on the lookout. My bet is that when you’re no longer afraid to lose anything, when you’re “ripe”, your passion will come to you. Be patient. Let life live you.
It took 50 years for my purpose to appear, but it was worth the wait. For me, that purpose is computer programming. I’m driven to create with code; to solve challenging problems with my mind and translate that into something practical that performs a useful purpose. I’m passionate about building tools that make people’s lives better. I want to influence the direction of Big Data, Machine Learning, and Artificial Intelligence. It’s critical that these tools be used in responsible ways to improve the experience of life for all sentient beings. Software engineering checks all of the boxes for me, but more important, I truly feel the passion in my heart. It’s hard to explain until you experience it, but it’s unmistakable when your true passion appears. The indicator for me is the fact that programming is always on my mind. I am driven to get back in front of my monitor to learn the next thing or start working on the next project. I’m waking at 4 am or staying up past midnight working on something because I’m just so engaged with it. Right now, I’m working 50–60 hours per week to progress through the curriculum that I’ve developed for myself. In my opinion, that’s the best way to learn software development, but that’s a topic for another day.
Do I wish that I would have learned programming 30 years ago? Do I feel like I “wasted” my younger years? Those thoughts have certainly entered my mind, but I don’t get caught up in them. I believe that my life has played out in the only way it could have. I can honestly say that I don’t feel a sense of loss or regret about it. Instead, I find myself even more motivated to master software development as quickly as possible to make up for lost time. If it weren’t for the circuitous route that led me to this point, I don’t think I would have the same perspective, energy, and appreciation that I do now. In fact, it’s my goal to stay healthy enough to be pushing the boundaries of what we can do with software until I’m 100 years old.
