Yes & No (And why real rejections are really rare)

The interesting thing about YES and NO answers is that we (the ones who are about to ask) tend to tell ourselves that the answer will be NO, while the person who is about to be asked tends to have difficult time saying NO and thus often says YES.

People need someone who’d tell them how to say NO more often and stop saying YES by default.

They need someone who’d tell them they have the right to say NO. That NO is OK as an answer.

NO is very often considered a negative (even bad) word, a word that would antagonize people, break deals, ruin relationships.

Thus people prefer to say YES — even if doing so means that their interests or needs take a backseat.

We all hear and read stories about rejections, and how those who succeed manage to go from one No to the next No, without losing their enthusiasm.

Winston Churchill famously said

“Success is the ability to go from failure to failure without losing your enthusiasm.”

On the other hand, extremely rare (almost non-existent) are articles and books which tell stories of those who didn’t even ask. Who rejected their own offer, idea or request before the other person/ party even had the chance to do it.

Why are they so rare?

Because those who reject their own offers, ideas or requests, who don’t believe they can get what they want, who assume it’s not even worth trying (because they know the outcome), they don’t get what they want. They don’t succeed.

And if we compare the number of people who get what they want in life (or most of what they want) and those who are stuck, helpless and always complain, we will realize that the stories of people who go from one No to the next No (without losing their enthusiasm) are actually the truly rare. Abundant (but untold), on the other hand, are the stories of those who never even allowed themselves to be rejected by the other person.

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