Afraid of the Dark

I’ve been on a getaway of sorts (with minimal planning) to Hawaii before our pop season gets going.

Yesterday, I found myself in Hawaii Volcanos National Park.

I drove around, did the gentle sight seeing options (it was amazing), and when it got to be late afternoon I started to look for a place to sleep. There are only about a dozen options nearby and they all were fully booked (I’ve learned Hawaii is for planners).

In part to justify my absurd rental car rate ($120 per day), I decided I would just sleep in my car. No big deal. I did more sight seeing, and a few hours later with a couple of Cliff Bars and a bottle of water I began to search for the perfect car camping spot. My search criteria included my preference not to be awoken by a Park Ranger, safety, and some good old fashion peace and quiet.

Pretty quickly I found a sign I hadn’t noticed before. It said, “ROAD ENDS 20 MILES AHEAD NO SERVICES.” Bingo. In 20 miles I would have a place that was plenty out of the way.

At this point it was complete darkness. With high beams on, I was aware only of the couple hundred feet they presented in front of me.

I had no idea where I was — no idea where I was going. The darkness was terrifying.

A couple times it felt like I should stop. This was taking forever, and more than likely the road was just going to end uneventfully. But that felt like quitting, so with blood pressure increasing I kept going.

Again, I had no reason to be scared. I was in a U.S. National Park, but I’d lost all logic. I drove for about an hour without seeing another car the entire time.

When I reached the end, I turned around and went back a bit to find what seemed like an appropriate spot to park. When I got out of the car I heard waves crashing. That was exciting. It was a moment where I would have liked to pull out a harmonica and enjoy a glass of whiskey. Instead I was frozen with fear. I carefully walked toward the water. Each step I took felt like something terribly wrong could happen. I was going to fall off a cliff, the Hawaiian Mafia was going to kidnap me, or some unknown animal would attack me. (Ironically I had no fear of volcanoes at this point as I’d tried for the previous eight hours to get as close as possible to a lava flow.)

After feeling like I’d fulfilled my duty of appreciating my solitude I returned to the car. I tried to read, but my eyes started to close and I climbed into the back seat to give sleeping a try. I woke up some time later to a wind so strong that the car was rocking. Weird, scary, where am I? I felt like I was in a different world.

The next time I woke up the sun was starting to rise. I looked out the window to see cliffs of black rock with blue waves crashing against them, and the sun coming over the horizon. It was the most beautiful sunrise I have ever seen.

I wasn’t scared anymore.