POETIC JOURNAL ENTRY #2
Mind Cage
This Sunday it was too sunny for me not to wake up. Took my homie to the airport, I know. They flying with the breaks up. Landing gear, she lands in fear, blowing my line each time that she breaks-up. Random tears, my stratosphere must have pulled you back in like space debris, wake-up. Cant you see? She comes to you bare-faced so you can fully embrace her energetic make-up?
No beef, things are kind of tender, I guess the stakes up. If I see you scrolling on tinder again, I just might say sum. Like what you looking for that you ain’t got in me? What you looking for that you ain’t got in yourself? You scared to face sum? Oh, I guess you can only be around me if you take sum.
Alcoholic, what have you call it, you gotta drank sum. Pathologic, symbiotic, the way you crave touch. But it’s appalling, re-installing your genetic make-up. You take up too much space in my head to not be in my face at least every other day or sum. I been having to pray some, more than I normally do cuz I feel like I only attract the strange ones.
My pops said “it’s okay, son”, you attract the damaged cuz you’re a healer, a bright light-is that what that pain was? I don’t want it, I don’t want it please get it away from — me!!! All the light I’m drowning in, surrounded in shadows I can’t see, please let me escape ’em. I pray I wake up and realize that all I align with comes from inside my heart-space, break up.
All the romantic thoughts and chivalrous gestures, must be hard cuz granted (granite) is what you get taken for. Have I told you I been praying more? Like talking to god, asking him to help you, I been saying more. Everyday is war. For a spiritual being as empathic as me, I’m decayed and torn.
Torn between I only need me, and it just needs to be you and me for it to be smooth sailing, I’m so torn. But I saw you on bumble, it stings cuz I want you. And I know you want me, but you don’t want to. In your head like “he’s too good for me”, girl that’s taboo. I practice the abundant mindset and Ubuntu.
Torn. Because to escape this matrix of you, I’d have to block you on every platform, running away more. How did I think at one point you were my twin flame? That flame scorched. I got burnt by my expectations, burnt by just believing you’d reciprocate them, my face scorched. Third-degree burns cuz I shoulda seen it comin’, but you were followed by a big rainstorm.
See, rain washes away all the sin, impurity, debris, dirt, and creates life, that’s why I wish it would rain more. I wish I could be brave more. To tell you to your face how much I love the idea of you and us getting away from this town, to ask you your intentions with me cuz I think mine are way worn. Worn down like my subconscious mind when I’m bombarded with the thought of you thinking about me, call that a brainstorm. I didn’t know your time was something I’d have to pay for.
Or that your heart was something I’d have to race for, I feel like I deserve a raise for it. Cuz all the others want whatever, I’m the only one in the race for your heart besides the devil. Did I mention I pray more? This is getting too intense, I need to pace more. Create space for me to vent, is what I have to do to get YOU out of my head, it’s only you in the end. Starfire, Star-crossed lover, Starseed, I need to be a sage more. And rather than look out for you, look out for me to lessen the pain more.
This journal entry started as a stream of lucid consciousness & turned into a full brainstorm. No weather, distance or shitty conditions took away my craving for.. I’ve shown you so many different forms of love, if not return it, the least you could do is pay it forward. Forget about the score, I’m in a whole different league now so I had to change the scoreboard.
