25 Realizations on Turning 25
#11. Your parents are more than just parents
Recently I turned 25 and I am still getting over the fact that I am closer to turning 30 than I am to turning 20. What do people really expect when you turn 25? Do they expect you to shed your “young, wild, and free” spirit and move on to some real adult business? But I am not married yet, so technically, I can still be an idiot, right? Oh, wait! What is my mother’s shiny gray hair doing on my sweater? Oh my god, is it MY gray hair?
I used to be exhilarated for all my birthdays till I turned 24 last year, because for one whole year, I was dreading turning 25. But here I am, halfway to 50, with 25 fresh and intense realizations about relationships, friendships, and love that hit me harder than they should have.
#1. Losing someone is not the end of the fu**ing world
I remember the first time I got my heart broken, I thought I wouldn’t be able to get through that. How naive was I! If that were the case, I would’ve already been dead quite a few times since then. You think you cannot live without one person but then that person leaves and someone else comes along and you realize you had nothing to worry about in the first place.
#2. Making long-term plans with your partner is not a validation for your commitment
I think I learned it the hard way. I was 11 when I thought I’d marry the guy I had just started dating, who was 12, by the way. I thought my relationship would only be considered “serious” if I’d make long-term plans with my then boyfriend which was the most inaccurate assumption ever.
#3. You’re going to lose count of your “true loves”
Some people say true love happens just once and rest is just infatuation or “the idea of love”. But how do we figure which one was true and which ones were fake? I mean you’ve gotta try till you see which one fits, right? That’s like the universal rule for everything. And now I’m just figuring out if I’ve already met AND (hopefully not) lost the one true love of my life?
#4. You cannot love two people in the exact same way
Sometimes you might beat yourself up for not being able to love your current partner like the way you used to love your ex but let me burst this bubble right here, right now — this is never going to happen. Since two people cannot be exactly the same, you cannot love them the same way. But that does not mean you love your current partner any less. It simply means you love them differently and who says different means less?
#5. Sometimes love and happiness do not reside in the same person
This might hit you like a thousand arrows and I really hope you do not get to experience this but that’s true — life is truly not a wish-granting factory. You can love someone and he can love you back but sometimes love is not enough. Sometimes the person who loves you the most can leave you in the most unfulfilled state.
#6. People speak different love languages
This is like the extended version of the 5th point — sometimes no matter how much you love the other person, you still have to let him or her go because they do not speak your love language. You might be looking for someone more expressive and they might be dropping you hints by their little gestures and yet you wouldn’t be able to pick up on those cues because you would’ve been expecting something completely different all this while.
#7. It’s not just romantic relationships that can be toxic
Sometimes friendships or family relationships can be even more toxic. It is like a vicious circle — the more you get in, the more it traps you and the harder it gets to come out. You can even share a toxic relationship with your father or mother or sibling — wherever it is, it can never do any good to either of you.
#8. It’s okay if you cannot connect with your childhood friends at the same level anymore
… no matter how much you try. Puberty hits, people evolve, life happens, we grow up. Sometimes we stay in touch with our childhood friends just because we were friends as kids so we feel like we owe this to our childhood but that is not true. As we grow up, we evolve and it is natural to outgrow each other.
#9. Your parents are getting old too
The hardest part of growing up is realizing that your parents are getting old too. But it can also be an eye-opener and give you an opportunity to spend more and more time with them.
#10. Your relationships will thrive if you listen to understand and not to respond
There are times when we do not even let the other person finish their sentence and we meddle and overreact. That is because we were not really listening to him or her, we were just waiting for them to stop speaking so we could speak our side. But I’ve realized that it always does more damage than any good.
#11. Your parents are more than just parents
We are conditioned to perceive our parents as our role models, we think they are perfect. But the truth is that they are as entitled to making mistakes as we are. After all, they are also somebody’s children. They are not perfect and it is okay because before being your parents, they are humans too.
#12. You might be unintentionally romanticizing your breakup
… and that is why it is becoming harder to get over him or her. The world is under so much media influence that sometimes our breakups feel like straight out of a rom-com movie, which we do not want to end, and seem to relish (guilty pleasure) at some deep level. It is as if you remember only the good parts about your past relationship and suddenly you ex is the hero of your movie.
#13. Gaslighting is more common than you think it is
Gaslighting, whether at workplace, with a family member or in a romantic relationship can really take a toll on your mental health. It can make you question your own sanity. Observe the pattern and do not take it lightly.
#14. You cannot put the burden of your happiness on your partner
You are responsible for your own happiness. Period. It’s not fair to give them the responsibility of your happiness. Everyone is in charge of their own lives so create your own happiness and then join hands to celebrate, share, and double it together.
#15. “Sisters before misters”, “bros before hoes” — JUST DROP IT ALREADY
Just because one relationship is important to you does not mean you have to undermine the other relationship to prove its importance. Your friends, partner, family, can mean equally to you and it is okay to not create a hierarchy of your loved ones.
#16. As you grow old, your parents start becoming your best friends
This might not be true for everyone but for many, the older you get, the closer you feel to your parents. You will feel that maybe all this while, you should’ve listened to them more. As kids, we act all rebellious, and try to free ourselves from our parents but eventually, we do come around, we do come back home.
#17. Closure is an illusion (if you want it from someone else)
There is no harm in seeking closure but only when you seek it from yourself. If you want to seek it from your ex-flame, trust me, there is no such thing as “one last message”, “one last call”, “one last meeting”.
#18. Thoughts related to death are going to get more real
As frightening as it may sound, where there is birth, there is death. As you grow old, you lose people in the way, sometimes it’s because your relationship with them has run its course and sometimes it is because of natural reasons. The best you can do it not take your loved ones for granted even for a moment.
#19. You cannot evaluate yourself by comparing yourself to someone else
This reminds me of the story of a monkey and an ant. So, one day, they decided to compete against each other but the contest was to see how quickly they could climb a tree. Obviously the monkey won because the criteria in the first place was completely unfair. When we compare ourselves with others, we are either being unfair to ourselves or to the other person.
#20. You can love someone but not like them
As odd as it may sound, you can feel strongly, deeply, madly, truly for someone and still not like them. This happens when your unconditional love comes in conflict with your perception about their behaviour or qualities. These relationships often fall apart because eventually you’ll try to change the other person, no matter how much you love them.
#21. Do not take your partner for granted but always take their love for granted
It is important to value your partner at all times but doubting their love and giving too much negative attention on their love will not work in your favour. By taking their love for granted, I mean showing trust in their intentions. I am sure they deserve this much, right?
#22. Everyone comes in our lives to fulfill a purpose
And when that purpose is fulfilled, they leave. We meet people so they could guide us in some direction that we need at that point of time. We may not understand this immediately but the reason will become apparent eventually. Just wait.
#23. Happy ending does not always mean staying together
Parting ways in a respectful manner, understanding each other’s situation, etc. are ways to have a happy ending even when you are breaking up. On the other hand, if you continue to stay in a toxic relationship, you might never have your happy ending.
#24. When your partner is upset, it is not always about you
Sometimes he or she could just have a bad work day or he or she could be generally a little crestfallen. We often give ourselves too much importance that instead of checking with our partners, we automatically assume things that were never true in the first place.
#25. Love is only a part of life, not life itself
Whether it is love for a friend, partner, or your job — none of these is the ultimate goal of your life. Nobody or nothing can be your “world” just because you say it out of love. The ultimate goal of your life is to feel all emotions, find what feels good, and experience and express as much as you can. The idea of being with another person is only to share your existing life with, not to change its meaning altogether.
Turning 25 can be scary and confusing — but at the same time, it can also be exciting. Why do we always attach negative connotations with “getting old”? In fact, isn’t it a privilege to grow old, experience the world a little more, be with your loved ones for longer, and become wiser with each passing day?
