I go out with a few friends. I am brimming with mirth and an ineffable feeling of content. Thinking about how perfect my life is, I start feeling the positive aura all around me. Today is a great day. It cannot get any better.
IT CANNOT GET ANY BETTER. (I repeat)
Ting tong
Someone knocks at the door. I can feel it. I am quiet.. as I open the door with my wobbly hands, I see it standing there. Right there. An uninvited and unexpected guest. It feels like it is going to attack me. I suddenly start feeling weak and dizzy. Am I going to die? *long pause and relentless panting* OH MY GOD, I AM GOING TO DIE. I cannot stop shaking. I cannot close my eyes, if I close them, I may not be able to open them ever.
I am telling the guest to go back and come later, maybe. But the more I ask it to go, the more adamant it becomes on creeping inside (my mind). “Go away!”, I cry. The guest says, “you are having a heart attack and you cannot be alright.” The guest is right. I am feeling the tightness in my chest. Somebody CALL 911!!
I cannot pick up my phone, my hands are numb. “Let me control you”, the guest insists. Without waiting for my response, it takes over the power and makes me toss on the bed from right to left. I am quivering. My mind is quivering too.
Let me call my friends and family to bid them goodbye because I do not have time, I AM ABOUT TO DIE.
I ask the guest its reason for this visit. It tells me it does not care whether I am happy or sad. “I do not need a reason”, it says. I close my eyes and prepare myself to take the first step towards breaking out of the hell — RECOGNIZING THE GUEST.
It was simple, not easy, to remember the name of the guest.
Is it death? NO. Is it sickness? NO.
“Hey, I think I know you! You are PANIC, right?”, I finally ask.
“Hello?”
“Where are you?”
“Guest?”
The guest is not there anymore. I am getting back my control. My hands are weak but still. My heart beat is getting back to normal. Did the guest get scared of the fact that I knew him?…that I remembered him?
I do not know, BUT, I am going to remember its name, until next time, when I hear the knock again!
