Tragedy
Summer night,
third grade, playing outside
spirit filled with hope and innocence
laughter filled the air amongst friends
joy and freedom laid ahead
The phone rang, a doctor on the other end
you hung up in a hurry and raced to the side door
disturbed, colour no longer in your face as you told us to come inside
anxiety showed in your hands
“Mom is in the hospital, a dreadful car accident”
mere seconds is all it took
our world as we knew it, demolished
Goodbye.
Fragility of being human
couldn’t understand the severity
wiping tears away, sat on my bed and prayed
while outside, the storm was raging
Intangible pressure filled the car on the way there
silence, usually welcomed became deafening
ICU is where we walked hand in hand
Inside those walls were beeping monitors and broken hearts
You laid in a coma while blood filled inside your brain
Tubes down your throat to keep you breathing
I thought you were sleeping
But why wouldn’t you wake up?
Please wake up.
Weeks passed, family flocked to your bedside, on rotation
dad never left.
you faught to stay alive, he faught for you.
doctors prepared for envitability
death lingered in the room, un-welcomed
rivers of tears streaming down grandma’s face
unconsolable
Feeling your warmth as you lay still beside me
Fixed your hair and dry cracked lips
Soaked up the moment
For then I knew, no certainy of tomorrow
Walkman played your favourite Bryan Adam’s cds on repeat
You wiggled your toes, once then twice
We knew you could hear us
Faith and optimism kept us alive while we waited
Clenching to hope with closed fists, stubborn to release
Sun peeking through the window, you opened your eyes
You saw strangers looking back at you
Memory was shattered, you did your best
The puzzle you created and lived became unrecognizable
Fatal wounds that would never heal even when you started too
Beginning again at 38, infancy stages
Years of medical teams and therapy
You mastered walking, talking and basic tasks
Struggled with spiraling depressive episodes,
72 hour psychiatric holds
Cutting yourself out of family pictures
Fell out of love in your marriage, resented it all
Slept on the couch since, refused to eat dinner together as a family
Despite him carrying you, us and the world
How could I blame you?
Sister was troubled, turned to drugs to cope
Mental instability and turmoil took hold and never let go
Police sirens and strangers, expelled from high school
Marks down your arms, tried to hide it with long sleeves
Suicide notes, drawings of death, amongst other things
Rejected and hated the people trying to help you
Pain of the truma was too much for your young heart to bear
You lost your mom that night of the accident, a teenager trying to navigate
Fear is what I saw in you,
Anger is all you knew
you left home at 16
Your path unclear
Some settled moments to breathe
if only a short time of relief
As the seasons changed, distance grew
Internalizing instability and sadness
Too young to understand at the time
Became the resucer
Wanting to stop everyone’s pain
Not aware that I was bleeding out
Darkness crept back in like an old friend
Comforting.
Divorce was said and done
You moved out, a fresh start
Craving to create new puzzle
One in which you know you assembled
That phone call was the match that set the flames to love
In sickness and in health
If only you remembered
Tell me, if that phone never rang, everything would be different?
