Is It Good For Man To Be Alone?
A Reflection on Social Media and Indulging in Desires
How I Use Social Media
I don’t post on social media but I use it quite frequently. Too often for that matter. In mycase, I’m talking about Instagram and TikTok. Other sites such as Twitter, Reddit, Quora, Medium, etc.. are all used strictly for work purposes.
I check Instagram daily and send funny videos and memes to my siblings. I check stories and rarely scroll through my feed. I spend most of my time looking through my following and the search feed.
I check TikTok daily. I scroll through my following and that’s it.
For the most part, I am not participating in each app as it was intended to be: that is creating posts for my followers about my life. I on the other hand use it as a way to keep in touch with family.
Well, that's what I keep telling myself I use it for.
In reality, I use both Instagram and TikTok to follow those I’m attracted to.
How I Came to Social Media
I have found over the years that an innocent pursuit of meeting new people over the internet has become an unhealthy obsession.
I grew up pretty isolated compared to other people. Exposed to a small town, small school, and small selection of partners I turned to the internet to meet people.
The internet is a great way to meet people. But it is also ripe with evils and for the young inexperienced exploring mind it can be dangerous.
I’ve made some really amazing connections with people over the internet, but I have also fallen trap of talking to people I would regret later on.
Social media platforms especially can be seen as a perfect way to meet others. It seems to be one of the easiest and most accessible ways to not be alone.
That is if you think one should not be alone. As the Bible says:
Then the LORD God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper as his partner.”
Genesis 2:18 — NRSVCE
How Social Media Contributed to my Sin
But I have become a slave to my desires. And social media is the outlet through which I fulfill them.
I have used social media, something that can certainly be used for good, for bad.
I have become entrapped by obsessing over people I will likely never meet. Even though I would love to meet them.
But I am not talking about one or two attractive people.
I constantly look for someone more attractive than the last. Always hoping and knowing the social media algorithm will deliver.
I have made the social media algorithm in partnership with the opposite sex my idol.
I have taken a good, true, and beautiful fact that “it is not good that man should be alone” and twisted it to pursue my desires.
I have fallen trap to blaming social media algorithms for throwing enticing content at me. But really, the algorithm is simply doing its’ job.
It can only show you what you like (whether you want to see it or not). The only way algorithms know what to show you is based on your search, click, and like patterns.
One reason why social media algorithms anger me (and I would guess other people in my shoes) is that it shows us what we know to be true but can’t fathom to confront. It shows us our desires (sometimes sinful) and our patterns of indulging in social media’s trap. It makes us realize that although we can be anonymous on the internet, our thoughts and desires will never be anonymous.
The LORD knows our thoughts,
that they are but an empty breath.Psalm 94:11 — NRSVCE
How Can I Move Forward
During Lent this year I actually stopped using Instagram. I let my family members know what I was doing and quit.
I actually succeeded!
I’ll admit that for the first week I subconsciously clicked on the app when I felt bored or needed some connection. I soon became aware of what I was doing and hastily clicked out.
I was impressed with myself for going 40 days without Instagram. I really didn’t miss it as much as I thought I would.
Why was this?
Surely “It is not good for many to be alone.”
Reflecting back on this experience, when I didn’t have access to Instagram, I started to focus more on the relationships that were right in front of me.
I started to be more present and aware of the relationships that I engaged in every single day.
I realized that real relationships are the most important and require the most effort and time invested. I realized that those investments pay off.
When I did finally log back on I realized how minuscule and unimportant the app really was.
What people posted had no effect on my life. It was only when I twisted my desires did social media affect me.
I do want to break free from this poisonous trap.
In my eyes, there really is no reason I should still have social media as I’m not using it for its intended purpose. The only thing stopping me is the Fear of Missing Out (FOMO)
I fear missing the next post or story from the attractive people I follow.
But I also know that I won’t be missing much as my Lenten experience taught me.
Quitting social media is a decision I know I will have to make. It is only a matter of when and to what extent.
The real relationships that are and will be are more important than the potential relationships that could and might be.
I knew “it is not good for man to be alone”
But what I now know is that I will always find myself alone on social media. That is of my own doing but not everyone will fall into this trap.
I now know that there is only one right decision to make and that involves confronting the desires the algorithm presents to me. It involves taking charge and realizing that I don’t have to be alone.
As this experience taught me, the people I really need and rightfully desire are often right in front of me. Not on the screen in my hand but the real people I interact with every day.
And when the time is right, I will find my own helper and partner.
