Get out the Cat Vote!
Kitties & their Ladies Groom Up the World
Some humans are a tuna short of the Stella and Chewy fish pack.
The real problem here is catless ladies.
Sure, some women have children and why not — more hands for the cans! The tail-pullers are annoying, but there is always the kinder solution of taking them to a humane shelter.
But how hissy is it when they say we are purrposeless?
Aargh!! spew hairball!
After getting nice and puked out, we scratched together this guide to how we, graced by our catted ladies, groom up the world:
1. Sheer Glory of Creation. We define beauty and chic, and some of us are fluffy. 100 million cat videos can’t be wrong.
It’s no accident world-class models stroll the catwalk.
2. Zen Presence. We purr in the now, tucking in our paws peacefully and cutely. Yes, we are totally in the moment when we scream at that cat with the ugly stripes.
When your religion is chin scritches, we are inclusive of anyone up to scratch.
3. Ecological Excellence. Do humans ever really enjoy recycling? We do. We joyfully practice box and bag re-use.
Metaphorically speaking, do you ever see a human ego squeezing itself to fit into a shoebox half their size?
4. Time Mastery. We live to rocket humans into the day! Breathing mackerel in the face, knocking down water glasses, serenading off-key, we ace it all.
Amewsing Fact: as we selflessly sync human time to cat feeding time, we purrsue smoother world functioning.
5. Self-care Modeling. Do cats need therapy? Live and learn, people. There’s a lot out there that’s just stupid and boring. Take a nap and forget about it!
Amewsing Fact: Einstein was a cat-napper. You might find yourself going quantum. Note how we seamlessly lead a double life at the neighbor’s, where it’s chicken livers on tap.
6. Human Resource Training. We invented the concept! Who is a fraction of you in size, yet is freely given luxury beds and 24/7 room service? (Ok, could be faster, but working on it.)
Amewsing Fact: we also invented the term AI as a handy term to refer to humans.
7. Streamlined Governance. First, all girl cats are Queens. Yowling also solves a lot. Your system has elephants and donkeys running things — why?
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Clearly we win all the votes for best contributors!
Those who interrupt their naps deserve a few more for being awake.
Tuna-flavored ballots would not be a bad idea.
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Why not keep it simple? We suggest managing your poopliticians by scruffing them, then dumping them out the back door.
