Saying Goodbye to my Best Cat Friend, Gone Far Too Soon From This Life
Rest in peace my beloved garden companion & happy hour cat.
August 1st didn’t turn out as I had planned. It was supposed to be a return to writing for me. The summer’s heat has taken a serious toll on my mood and has been stressing the cats as well. The boredom of being trapped inside has been taking a toll on all of us.
The inside-only cats haven’t been using their catios due to the heat and Sebby, my inside/outside cat has been spending most of the day and every night inside for the air conditioning. Turns out all that inside time was wearing on his mood too.
The night before, he was out in the evening for a while to eat with the two feral cats and help me water the garden. But then, when he would normally come inside for the night, he evidently took off instead. I couldn’t find him anywhere on the property. Odd for him. I called him over and over through the evening but finally gave up and went to bed about midnight. Turns out that day would be the last one I’d ever have my beloved Sebby with me.
He wasn’t on the porch with the two ferals the next morning. Any time he stayed out at night he was always there for breakfast. My stomach sank with dread. A literal, physical feeling.
I went to the office for a few hours that morning but left before noon so I could go walk the neighborhood and look for Sebby. I had been keeping an eye on the property via Nest cameras but there had been no sighting of him. I had a deep sense that something horrible had happened.
There is a stormwater retention reservoir near the house (bone dry at present) and a storm drain tunnel on my block that Sebby liked to go into on occasion. It leads to the reservoir, which we call the wildlife corridor for the neighborhood.
When I got home from the office I immediately went to the storm drain to call Sebby’s name into it. The sound echoes and travels quite a distance. I walked to the next one and called there as well. I was headed for the reservoir itself because cats like to hunt there.
As I rounded the last house on the block, I saw them. Three black vultures sitting on the ground. And then I knew what I would find.
As I walked toward the vultures, I had to shoo them away. I saw something dark on the ground in the grass. With crystal clarity, I saw that it was a cat’s foreleg and paw. A perfect paw with a tiny grouping of white hairs near an outside toe. I recognized it immediately. Time seemed to stand still. I felt like I’d been punched in the gut. This is all that was left of Sebby. Coyotes had gotten him.
In shock, I walked the short distance home to get a towel so I could bring what was left back home. I didn’t lose it until after I got him home. Then I cried for the rest of the day and that night.
It’s taken me this long to be able to write about what happened. I want to share him with the world one last time. I’m just grateful that I found his remains and didn’t have to wonder endlessly what became of him.
I have had many cats in my life as my own cats and hundreds more as fosters. I love all cats whether they care for me or not. Sebby was the only one I would call a soul mate cat. I had a bond with him that was different from what I’ve had with any of the others. I think that bond was so strong because he chose to be with me when he could have done anything else he wanted to, given that he had the freedom of the outdoors.
Sebby’s presence around me was more like that of a dear friend than a pet. He seemed very human-like in his ability to just sit and be present with me. Neither asking for attention nor ignoring me. He was simply with me. He wanted to be wherever I was when I was outside. He would lay nearby on the table as I read or on the ground as I worked in the yard. He didn’t want physical touch most of the time, he just wanted close proximity. He wanted companionship.
Sebby came to me as a foster kitten in 2013. There was nothing remarkable about him at the time. He was just another black kitten that would be harder to adopt than others, so I gave him a forever home with me.
The kids next door helped me pick a name. They wanted to honor their recently departed cat whose name was Sebastian. We didn’t want it to be exactly the same so we named this wee black kitten Sebastiani, which quickly became shortened to Sebby.
Sebby was an inside/outside cat. He was the last one who came into my household who had that freedom. He had a personality that couldn’t be contained just inside the house and this was before I built the catios to give a feel of the outdoors to the other cats. All the cats who followed have been inside only with the exception of my small group of feral cats.
I live in as safe of an area as you will find for outdoor pets. My yard is landscaped with a lot of green cover and hidey-holes as well as escape routes should they ever be needed. I never had any fear for my cats who spent time outside until recently when development started pushing the wildlife out of their habitat.
I have cameras all around the property and there have been no sightings of coyotes on the block. The cats have been safe in the past, as long as they stayed here.
For most of his adult life, Sebby stayed outside a lot of the time. That time increased when I was fostering more cats than he cared to be around. He slept on one of the patio chairs or in the greenhouse if it was bad weather. It was impossible to get him inside at night. He refused to come near me after a certain hour because he knew I was going to bring him inside. If I wanted him in, I had to grab him before the evening got near and he got suspicious.
I was so happy when this year after nearing ten years of age, Sebby had started coming inside most nights since winter. He also wanted to be inside during the day after temps went over 100 for weeks on end. This year he seemed to finally appreciate having a climate-controlled space to snooze in. Plus he could nap on my desk while I worked.
Oh Sebby, why did you have to go exploring that night?
What wanderlust caught you up in its grip after you’d happily slept on my bed night after night this year?
Two nights before his last day, Sebby woke me at 5 am with a huge yowl by the front door. He wanted out in the pre-dawn cool of the night. I yelled at him to shut up and I went back to sleep. It was an odd behavior for him. I didn’t realize at the time it was a foreshadowing of his behavior the next night.
Sebby ruled over the yard and gardens. Everything was under his watchful eye. Any time I left the property he would become distressed and stand at the edge of the yard, crying after me. If I was walking to the mailbox a couple of blocks away he would follow me to the corner and stand waiting for me to return. Usually continuing to call for me to come back. He wasn’t happy until I was back home.
He would even follow me to the house next door when I visited and wait in the yard until I came back outside. He didn’t seem comfortable following me across the street to those neighbors so he would sit on his own side and call for me.
I have many regrets that I didn’t try to get Sebby in earlier that final evening. Once I did start looking for him to bring him in, he was nowhere to be found. He had been increasingly restless in what I didn’t know would be his final days. He would ask to come in and then go out several times a day. He wanted to be outside but it was so hot he then wanted back in.
I had a premonition of his death in the previous week I think. We were laying in the grass together in the shade of the trees. He was being a goof and a flirt, laying a couple of feet away from me fully stretched out and so very relaxed. He would reach his paw out toward me and then flip over and lie the other way. I was suddenly struck by a sense of loss of a time when I wouldn’t have the blessing of the presence of this marvelous creature. Eventually passing time would take him from me. I didn’t know that time was less than a week away.
I should have had another ten years with him but being allowed outside did expose him to potential dangers. The independence he demanded combined with his affection for me is what made him so special. He CHOSE to be with me. He lived his best life being free to spend time outside but that also meant he came to a sudden, violent end last week.
OH SEBBY! I miss you so much!
A friend sent me windchimes to hang in the garden to remind me of Sebby’s constant companionship there. I’ll be spreading his ashes there as well.
