What My Cats Have Learned from Watching Television
Only they’re discovering that real life is much more complicated
I think my cats have been watching television, which is weird because I don’t own a television. But I do have a desktop computer and an Amazon Prime account, so that must be how they’re doing it.
You know those tv shows where some adult teaches the kid getting picked on how to stand up to the bullies? That’s what Scooter has been watching. He’s my newest cat, a half-grown male who showed up in a friend’s yard. My other cats have been very slow to accept him. The Zombie Twins — Fat Zombie and Sweet Zombie — have been especially mean, so much so that I considered rehoming Scooter. He was starting to spend most of his time hiding, walking low to the ground as he darted from hiding spot to hiding spot, keeping an eye out for the mean kitties.
But after watching Karate Kid or possibly A Christmas Story, Scooter decided to fight back. He decided to teach those Zombie Twins a lesson.
Except Fat Zombie had just decided maybe the kid was okay, and Sweet Zombie was starting to try to play with Scooter. Everything would have calmed down, but Scooter was out to prove himself. He wanted to use his newly developed fighting skills. He started stalking Fat Zombie and attacking the larger cat. Fat Zombie can’t even take his six-hour morning nap in peace these days.
In fact, as I was typing the sentence above, I heard a scuffle and a hiss. Scooter pounced on Fat Zombie, who was just trying to get some rest after a long night of sleeping. But the fight was shorter than usual, so we’re making progress.
For years, I’ve been telling Sweet Zombie that to have a friend, you have to be a friend. He tries, God bless him, but he doesn’t know how to read social cues. He plays too rough. The only other cat who likes him is his twin brother. The others growl when he gets too close. He ignores the growls and chases them.
Yesterday, all my words about being a friend must have finally clicked in his little kitty brain. He had an epiphany — perhaps, if he showed kindness to another cat, maybe they would reciprocate. It seems he had watched The Grinch or A Christmas Carol (hopefully Scrooged with Bill Murray or the Muppets Christmas Carol, as those are definitely the better versions) or some other show where the villain is redeemed through a good deed or an act of friendship. He tested his theory by rubbing up against Scooter.
Scooter bit him.
Unfortunately, my cats have learned that life is more complicated than television, and that relationships are trickier than Hollywood portrays them. I think they’ll eventually work it out, but it may take years. Maybe I should monitor what they watch from now on. I wonder if My Cat from Hell is on Amazon Prime.
