“I’m in 2018 and I like it, love it, eighteen!”
2017 started at rough — it began with me packing up everything important into the back of my Mini Cooper and pulling an all nighter to drive from Arizona to Texas. When I first arrived in Austin I decided to change myself, and challenge my fears.
This year I accomplished a lot! I gained the courage to take members of my workplace’s R&D team out to lunch so I could becoming acquainted with them. All these amazing Engineers, which I first thought of as these god-like figures, turned into regular people with bad humor and a lot of knowledge. This helped me start to overcome some of my crippling anxieties. Although there we plenty of nights in tears worried about if I said something wrong, or whether or not they liked me, those nights are now less frequent.
I was not able to go to college for Computer Science, as I once hoped. Instead of shutting down at this roadblock, I made my own college for myself. This helped me learn about who I am, and how I learn best. Even though it’s still a challenge to focus, I can see myself making progress. I still have so much more to learn though. I wouldn’t be able to do this without the help of all the friends and mentors I have supporting me. I love the saying “It takes a community to raise a child”, because right now I’m that child (and that’s okay).
For 2018 here is what I’m going to focus on:
- I am going to stop stressing about that silly comment I made while tipsy, or if I stuttered through a sentence. It’s okay for people to not like me, as not everyone has to like me. No one notices all the harsh things I judge myself on.
- I am going to start focusing on things I like, and no more fretting if I truly *like* what I’m focusing on.
- I am going to stop worrying that I don’t belong in tech.
- I am done focusing on “becoming an Engineer” and I will shift my focus to where it should be, which is learning new things!
- I am going to stop being stressed about things out of my control, and start focusing my energy on things I can do to be a better coworker, friend, girlfriend, and cat mom.
In 2018 I will continue facing my fears. I will speak at Container World, I will keep studying and learning new things, and I will become a kinder, more focused person.