In her article “Why Chinese Moms are Superior,” Amy Chua, a mother and professor at Yale Law School, describes how she educates her two kids in the same manner as her Chinese immigrant parents did with her and her siblings. She points out the differences between Chinese and Western parenting approaches and drew attention to the preconceived notions that Western parents have about Asian parenting practices. The purpose of this article is to argue that Asian parenting is superior to Western parenting.
The prevalent Western stereotype about Chinese parents is known as “tiger mom”. Tiger moms believe that they know what is good for their children and what is not. They are perfectionists who won’t allow any nuance in their way of child-raising, therefore override their kids’ desires and preferences. The majority of the American public views “tiger moms” as just pushing their kids toward parentally defined success with coercion, which they believe is unlikely to result in children experiencing actual happiness.
Amy Chua falls under the “tiger mom” category. In her article, she admits that she never allowed her daughters to attend a sleepover, participate in a school play, watch TV or play computer games, choose their own extracurricular activities, get any grade lower than A, play any instrument other than the piano or violin. Amy Chua and my mother would have become besties if they had met. At the age of four, I was forced to learn an instrument, and not surprisingly, I was forced to play the piano, just like all the other 40 million Chinese kids. My mother was not satisfied with our best local piano teacher because she believed that our town was simply not competitive. So she found me a teacher two hours of drive away from home and sent me to a forty-five minutes lesson every Saturday. Some of my fondest childhood memories were me being forced to sit in the piano chair for hours after school while my mother stood next to me with a long wooden stick. Tiger moms have a thing for tenacity. Quote Amy, “to get good at anything you have to work, and children on their own never want to work, which is why it is crucial to override their preferences. This often required fortitude on the part of the parents because the child will resist.” This is exactly what my mom’s mindset is. My mother also filled my weekends with all kinds of extracurricular classes like swimming, dancing, singing, drawing, calligraphy, and math. When I first started elementary school, she had already started worrying about me getting into the best local middle school. And by the time I got into the best local middle school she prayed for, she was already overstressed about my acceptance into the best local high school. “You are competing with several thousands of kids and they are all learning more stuff than you.” The truth is, I could almost never find another kid who took as many classes as I did.
Western parents, on the other hand, tend to pursue happiness, peace, and freedom for their children. Amy mentioned that in one study of 50 Western American mothers and 48 Chinese immigrant mothers, almost 70% of the Western mothers said either that “stressing academic success is not good for children” or that “parents need to foster the idea that learning is fun.” While Chinese mothers frequently make hurtful remarks to “motivate” their children — for example, my mother used to tell me “your legs look like elephants’ legs in skirts” to put me on a diet — Western parents must tread carefully around the subject in order to avoid damaging their kids’ self-esteem. Western parents also don’t want to force their children to do anything. Most of them won’t demand their child to sit in front of the piano for hours to accomplish a hard skill. They also won’t demand their children to get an A in class. In fact, if their children get a B, they may worry that there is a problem with the curriculum or the teacher’s teaching style. Western parents will teach their kids about relationship appropriation since they think it is normal for their kids to date before college. In contrast, my mother beat me up when I had a boyfriend in ninth grade.
Western parents call Chinese parents brutal and indifferent to their children’s true interests, while Amy Chua criticizes that although Western parents nurture their kids with more self-esteem and respect, it turns out that western parents are more likely to allow their children to give up on hardship and not attain their full potential. The preconceptions are primarily brought on by the disparity in how each party defines their ways of parenting. Western parents make an effort to respect their children’s individuality and cultivate a supportive environment. The Chinese, on the other hand, hold that instilling in children the skills, work ethics, and inner confidence they need when entering society is the greatest way to raise them.
The Western society’s traditional concept of “tiger mom” is already outdated. The majority of contemporary Chinese parents do not adhere to the “tiger mom” parenting philosophy or think that it produces the most successful offspring. If you still think that all Chinese kids are STEM nerds or antisocial because they spend most of their time on textbooks, you really need to brush up on your knowledge. Starting at a young age, my mom would frequently take me and my brother to social events like book fairs or group hikes where we were “forced” to interact with strangers. My brother and I naturally developed an extroverted demeanor and an adventurous spirit outside of the classroom. Another prejudice most westerners have of Asian parents that Amy failed to discuss is that Asian parents sacrifice themselves to raise their children. In this case, my mother is an utter rebuttal. She has a colorful life outside of parenting. She is a marathoner, a gym enthusiast, a half-time teacher, a culinary adventurer, a devout reader, and is currently studying English at a language school. While making her children better people, she never stops improving herself.
There isn’t a single parenting style that is better than another; rather, it is crucial for both sides to comprehend one another’s viewpoints and reflect on their own parenting method. Asian parents should consider, for instance, if their language abuse actually inspires their children or hurts their feelings, or if they need to respect their children’s interests. Western parents should think about whether they are being too gentle with their children and whether they should be pushing their children to achieve more.
