Sorry Chua, Your Parenting Style Is Not Superior
In her article “Why Chinese Mothers are Superior,” Amy Chua, highlights the disparities between Chinese and Western parenting styles and draws attention to the misconceptions that Western parents have about Asian parenting practices. This article’s goal is to promote strict parenting practices and make the case that Asian parenting is superior to Western parenting. I don’t agree with all of Chua’s ideas. I believe she needs to adopt a new perspective on parenting and acknowledge the drawbacks of traditional Chinese parenting and the advantages of western parenting. There isn’t one parenting approach that is, in my view, superior to another. It’s crucial that both parties comprehend one another’s point of view and reflect on their own.
The prevalent Western stereotype about Chinese parents is known as “tiger mom”. Tiger moms believe that they know what is good for their children and what is not. They are perfectionists who won’t allow any nuance in their way of child-raising, therefore override their kids’ desires and preferences. The majority of the American public views “tiger moms” as just pushing their kids toward parentally defined success with coercion, which they believe is unlikely to result in children experiencing actual happiness. Amy Chua falls under the “tiger mom” category. In her article, she admits that she never allowed her daughters to attend a sleepover, participate in a school play, watch TV or play computer games, choose their own extracurricular activities, get any grade lower than A, play any instrument other than the piano or violin. Amy Chua and my mother would have become besties if they had met. At the age of four, I was forced to learn an instrument, and not surprisingly, I was forced to play the piano, just like all the other 40 million Chinese kids. Some of my fondest childhood memories were me being forced to sit in the piano chair for hours after school while my mother stood next to me with a long wooden stick. Tiger moms have a thing for tenacity. She also filled my weekends with all kinds of extracurricular classes like swimming, dancing, singing, drawing, calligraphy, and math. “You are competing with several thousands of kids and they are all learning more stuff than you,” quote my mom.
Although the assumption that Chinese moms raise dedicated and intelligent children as a result of their enormous sacrifices for education is true, many Chinese parents have come to see the shortcomings of this rigid parenting approach and are making modifications. Modern Chinese parenting, which has been influenced by westernization, now places greater significance on the overall development of children’s moral, intellectual, physical, and artistic abilities rather than only pressuring the kids to obtain an A in class. Starting at a young age, my mom would frequently take me and my brother to social events like book fairs or group hikes where we were “forced” to interact with strangers. My brother and I naturally developed an extroverted demeanor and an adventurous spirit outside of the classroom. Modern Chinese parents are also aware that children are not their property, therefore they don’t need to put their own needs aside for their offspring. Outside of being a mother, my mom leads an interesting life. She is a marathoner, a gym enthusiast, a half-time teacher, a culinary adventurer, and a devout reader. She constantly works to better herself while raising her kids to be better people. Amy Chua, however, continues to adhere to the conventional belief that parents should sacrifice everything for their children as she spends all her time barring her kids from extracurricular activities, restricting their social possibilities, and caging them like birds.
Unarguably, Western parenting has many benefits that Chua refuses to acknowledge and accept. Western parents work to ensure their children’s development by giving them freedom, enjoyment, and self-esteem. Chua contends that parents have a legitimate justification for verbally abusing their children because children are perpetually indebted to parents. She consequently believes that calling her daughters “fat” won’t have any impact on them because it will simply become a motivation for them to lose weight. My own experience has shown that a parent’s verbal humiliation of a youngster can have major, long-lasting effects on the child’s self-esteem. I have always felt insecure whenever I wear shorts or skirts because my mother used to tell me when I was little that my legs were as thick as an elephant’s. Western parents, on the other hand, will carefully skirt around sensitive words and use tactful language when advising their children to cut back on their eating in order to protect their self-esteem. Amy Chua, in her article, relates how she had her 7-year-old daughter learn a challenging piano piece by forbidding her from using the restroom or eating dinner until she was done. She proudly announced that both her daughter and her were thrilled when her daughter finally mastered the piece. “Western parents are very worried about their children’s self-esteem. But as a parent, one of the worst things you can do to your child’s self-esteem is to make them give up.” Yes, Chua, your daughter has accomplished fantastic things, but have you ever pondered if her happiness stems from mastering a challenging piano technique or the fact that she can now stop practicing and go to bed? In comparison, Western parents are more focused on their child’s physical and mental development than on the accomplishments made. Instead of setting goals, they place more of an emphasis on encouraging their kids’ musical interests. Western parents allow their kids to make basic decisions on their own and ask them to deal with their own mistakes, which, in my opinion, is a more significant preparation for adulthood than academic accomplishment.
Raised in a Chinese family, I can identify with a lot of what Chua says about her parenting approach. I concede that this form of tough parenting may be successful in producing adults who earn six figures per year, but I don’t believe this automatically makes it a better parenting approach. Both Western and Asian parenting styles have positive and negative aspects; the key is to identify the benefits of each and work on improving oneself. Chua needs to break free from conventional Chinese parenting thinking and put more weight on her children’s individual interests and mental growth; for westerners, they need to consider how to overcome their misconceptions about Chinese parenting by learning more about its contemporary trends rather than remaining constrained by outdated notions.
