The LGBTQIA+ Community vs Hispanic Households
There are times we feel as if we don’t fit in, in places where we should feel welcomed, comfortable,and accepted. Such as how LGBTQIA+ members feel like they don’t fit in with their families, their own blood. As someone who identifies as a part of this community I am aware that there are a lot of emotions that come up being forced into the closet as you grow up and live in a hispanic community. I’ve always felt forced to play the ‘perfect and good’ hispanic daughter of the family. As the eldest you’re forced to become the role model for your youngest siblings and cousins. You’re the one who will marry a wealthy young man. MAN. You’ve never heard anyone in your family tell you that you should love who you love, and who makes you happy. It’s always been ‘Mija you HAVE to marry a good MAN with lots of money who can take care of you.’ When I started to accept myself for who I am and realized I might not want to marry a man, I felt incredibly guilty. I felt deeply disappointed in myself as if I was doing something wrong for liking someone my family would disapprove of. The feeling of knowing who you are and knowing your family wouldn’t accept you is the worst. I wouldn’t wish that stomach pain and turn on anyone. It feels like knots in your stomach anytime you invite a girl, friend over because they could always get the wrong idea. My girlfriend is currently my ‘best friend’ every time she visits me. I feel so horrible and rude knowing I can’t be open about her or show her off to my family, but it’s the only thing I can do. It’s the safest option for both of us, I’m not sure how my parents would react if I introduced her as more than a friend. I’ve watched a youtube video about the different coming out stories people in hispanic families have experienced. We see that there are a lot of similarities, which leads us to believe that being LGBTQIA+ in a hispanic household can bring up various reactions and opinions such as disapproval and anger. Impacting the lives of those who identify with this community. Hispanic households can be toxic when it comes to coming out as who you are.
When coming out, it could go lots of ways. You could be surrounded by the most supportive, accepting family ever or you could end up being kicked out of your home. Sometimes you just become disowned and they never speak to you again. Just because you love someone ‘you shouldn’t’. I remember when I came out to my parents I remember them telling me I was “crazy” and “paranoid.” They told me I couldn’t be bisexual, and that I just “hadn’t found the right man” knowing that they wanted me to be with a man, really hurt me. My parents know that I am always sure of what I want, so for them to doubt me and then call me disgusting because I also like women made me feel a huge amount of guilt and embarrassment. I didn’t have the support from my parents. How was I supposed to move on from that? Their reaction and comments made me feel sick to my stomach. It made me go into another depressive episode where I overthought absolutely everything about myself. I wondered if it was even worth living life if I knew I was just gonna disappoint my family. It really hurts, hearing my own family call me nicknames and calling me gross. In the video We hear a lot about their families having very similar reactions like my own families.
The more I think about my family, I think about how they were raised and how that could be a reason they act the way they do. Most hispanic families are raised ‘traditionally’ in the countryside. Where they are taught how ‘life should be’ where women clean and have to raise the kids, and the men work and become the providers. Growing up I realized at home it was usually just my mom cleaning and my dad getting special treatment because he was a man. She cleaned and he worked. It has always been that cycle. When I asked why my dad didn’t wash his own plate I then realized why. They’re raised in different ways, where their traditions are very different then what traditions and actions we see now. I feel that Hispanic families hearing someone tell them they’re into the opposite gender might make them think our life plans and schedules are suddenly messed up. Or that we can’t be happy because we won’t live the ‘perfect’ life like they did. I remember before coming out to my family we went out and someone introduced themselves to my family as a lesbian. I remember my aunt said that a girl liking a girl was ‘absolutely disgusting.’ As a girl who is dating a girl I can’t get myself to ask her if she thinks i’m disgusting too just because I love my own girlfriend. My mom knows about my girlfriend and all she tells me is that she one day hopes that I get married to a man because I embarrass her knowing I like girls. That who I love makes me guilty and an embarrassment. She makes it aware that I should be frowned upon by anyone and everyone who knows me for me.
The video posted by Elena Piech gives us different stories of those who have come out to their hispanic families. We hear their experiences and traumas, we hear the remarks their families have said about them. We also hear a lot about how this is how our families were raised and expected to act. As most of our families were raised in a traditional way they have completely different beliefs than us.The video mentions how people wish their families would make an effort to understand them and accept them. Lots of these hispanic families say lots of rude remarks to their kids and some can be accepting families. We really think it just depends on how the family has been raised and taught to be. Some families will threaten to kick their kids out while others claim they ‘already knew’ and they accept their kids with open arms.
I feel as if there is a way we can get our parents to understand how to accept us and love us for who we are. We could always offer television shows or documentaries that explain what it really feels like to be a part of the LGBTQIA+ community. Just so they can understand that we already face enough oppression and not having their support just hurts us even more. If we sit our families down and let them know why we believe they should accept us there is a chance that at the end of the day they will learn to see us with open arms. We can let them know that times now are different than when they were young. That this generation has learned to accept anyone and everything without judgment.
