The Non-Binary Community

I used to get extremely frustrated when someone would gender a topic without first explaining that gender is a social construct and how most recognized differences between girls and boys are directly related to being perceived as a specific gender in their childhood environments and not their inherent nature. Still, I would braid my hair and put on rose-scented deodorant, but besides that, I liked to do the same things as my guy friends and saw no obvious deviations in our thought trains. It took a while to connect the dots between not believing in gender and being non-binary, but when I finally did, it felt like I was no longer hiding behind all the implications of being a girl. I went from she/her to she/they, and when I spoke to people who identified similarly, I found a level of understanding that I had yet to discover.

The narrative around being non-binary is as follows: a girl with short hair and a muscle tank tries their best to fit into the androgynous category. Maybe, they will dye their hair as well, but two things are for sure: they want attention and are just waiting to police any controversial opinion you have.

While this story is not the best, it’s far above how this community is viewed by those holding the most power. To this group of wealthy white males, gender is binary and can therefore be perfectly split into two different groups. Consequently, those questioning this dichotomous structure are weird and downright delusional for straying from the norm. It’s best to separate this group of mentally deranged folk from yourself because they choose to live an unhinged and incorrect lifestyle.

While the word choices above might seem intense, the Trump supporters in my family will not hesitate to reassure you that “deranged” and “delusional” is the proper terminology for my community. And though I would love to tell you that the non-binary community is enough and that I no longer need my family to understand, I have not yet reached that level of maturity. I want my brothers and parents to see me without gender so badly that it hurts. I need to have a conversation where they are thinking about the little consciousness floating around in my head rather than the girl experiencing life in a gendered society. Instead, I get my brother, who was president of his fraternity, yelling at me and walking away mid-conversation for not shaving my armpits.

I am sorry you were raised to want hairless women, and I am sorry that you refuse to actively challenge the outdated concepts you grew up around, but the non-binary community and I will not be catering to your creepy expectations.