Dear Antonio,
Oh, how I miss you. As graduation comes closer and closer, other senior’s are getting senioritis, meaning they refuse, or are to lazy to do work. You know me, I would never get like that. But here it is, I have senioritis. In fact, it is so hard for me to move on without you, Antonio. March 13th, 2015 is one of the worst days of my life, and still, till this day, I remain gloomy. I feel like my spirit was ripped from me, just like you were. I received a text from my mom, “call me ASAP,” she said. From this moment on, I felt in my heart that something was not right. So I stepped out into the hallway to pick up the phone, my mother on the other side screaming.
”Mom you have to slow down! I can’t hear you.”
These were the words that collapsed my heart, “It killed Him! Antonio. He is dead! Your sister just called me, hysterical! Antonio is dead.”
As those words touched my ears, I dropped on my knees while she was trying to get me through the other line.
”Tariah! You there! Baby, are you alright?”
”I’m on my way to the hospital, to meet your sister. I’ll call the high school to see if you could meet me over here.”
”Ok…” is all that I could get out.
There I sat, not being able to move. It was like I was stuck in quicksand. So there I was astonished, stunned, and petrified. Then, Mrs. Nordall, who at that time was my home room teacher, got the call and took me outside of the class to talk to me.
”I am so sorry for your loss,” she said.
I got so choked up I couldn’t speak, she hugged me. My voice had been taken by a thief. As I walked out of the high school, the world hit me all at once. What did I do? I ran… I ran as fast as I could to the hospital. In the back of my mind, I thought this is all a dream, maybe he is just injured, or maybe I heard my mom wrong. I was to soon find out that my thoughts were absolutely wrong. My heart shattered into a million pieces. Sadness had covered my heart. The day before we were messing around, play fighting, and just being us. That day was absolutely horrific. Why did this happen to you? Why? Such an innocent sweet boy. You were ripped from our hearts, instead of the criminals who deserve to be taken.
I got to the hospital and your body was lying there lifeless, bruised, and bloody. I walk into the room, where my sister was crying over your body, and trying to wipe the blood off.
”Why? My son! Why? Don’t go mommy is here. Wake up honey, wake up!” my sister screamed.
. I felt helpless, I did not know how to act or what to do. I had to stay strong for her. When I looked down at the floor, I noticed so many used up tissues. That was when it hit me, this was not a dream at all. You were truly gone. When she picked up your hand, it looked like it was rubber. From the impact of the train, all your bones were shattered, broken. When I came over to give you a kiss on the cheek, there was dried up blood, they were purple, and when my lips touched your cheek, it was a brick of ice. Then I closed my eyes and noticed a tear had fallen on your face. I bent down to wipe it off, and I noticed something. You had a gauze wrap around your head because half of your head was gone. Your blood and the rest of your head had been left on the tracks. I could not bare to see you anymore, so I ran out the room, hysterical. The yells of my sister grew more and more. That is the yell that I can never delete from my mind. I cried for days, my eyes swollen. I could not sleep because every time I closed my eyes, I saw your dead body. Every time I tried listening to music all I heard was the screams of my sister. I have never cried so much in my entire life before, and the next days were the worst days of my life.
Then came the viewing and the funeral. The viewing was alright, other than the people who showed up just make fun of you. I was livid! I wanted to beat them up, but I knew it would not be the right thing to do or what you would have wanted. It was the day of the funeral those same people came back. My mom and myself had to hold my sister back so she would not kill them. They were kicked out by the owners of the funeral home. They moved your casket to the car. We all had to get in our cars and follow. That ride felt like the shortest ride I’ve ever had. When we got there, there were pastors already there. They spoke, then said a prayer. We all walked past to throw a rose on top of your casket. Then, when you were lowered in the casket I knew that would be the last time I physically saw you.
My sister cried and yelled Hysterically, “No! My baby! I love you! Come back! I love you!”.
There was a roar of cries. I myself hysterically cried. My mom, my best friend had to hold on to me. That day I realized when that casket went down so did my spirit. We were so close and we did so much together, and I miss that. We went to the sixth grade dance together, homecoming freshman year, and we were supposed to go to prom and graduate together. But this would not be. We came into ninth and tenth grade together, but I have come to realization we would not be leaving high school together. We are now towards the end of our senior year and I should be excited and I am but, I know you will not be physically there with me to walk across that stage and grab your diploma. I am left all alone, with a broken heart, and a stream filled with tears at the end when I grab that diploma.
As each day gets closer and closer to graduation an unbearable feeling weighs down my heart. How can I go on without you? Your death will always be the tragic memory that I can never get over. Every time a train goes by I picture your body and what one did to you. As I write this letter to you I cannot stop crying. When I walk across that stage and grab my diploma, it will just be me grabbing mine alone, without you. Every cousin had a pair, but I know your not physically there with me, but you are in my heart. I know when I grab that diploma and shake the hand of our fellow alumni, I know I will think of you and that we have come so far. Antonio only 39 days till graduation and we are finally out of high school. Though your accident was very tragic it has taught me something though. Life is way to short to be worrying about the little things in life. Life is too short to be locked in. You have to go out and live life the way you want to, so that there isn’t any should of, could of, and would of. Your death was tragic but taught that it does not matter what age or who you are as a person death does not discriminate. With that said, I miss you and love you so much.
Your Crazy Aunt,
Tariah Rozier.
