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Congress Writes a Book Titled “The Art of the Deal That You Pulled Out of Your Ass”

In what seems to be a victory lap after finally agreeing upon a stimulus bill, Congress is publishing a book discussing the artful way in which the said compromise was achieved.

“We have to keep up with the times if we want to be relevant pieces of the dynamic American fabric,” one congressman said. “Anyone who is anyone seems to be publishing a book to immortalize, in excruciating detail, their successes and as politicians it is our duty to do the same.”

Another congresswoman stated, “If we don’t give ourselves credit where credit is due or memorialize the importance of the work we have done, future generations will never have the opportunity to understand the importance of democracy. We cannot let that happen.”

While many Americans are still confused as to why this stimulus bill providing minimal and much delayed support is being seen as a major accomplishment, Congress has defended its decision to spend the next few months writing a book instead of passing a follow up stimulus package. In a statement released to the press this morning, Congress has confirmed that the book will help ensure that this week’s Covid relief bill will not go to waste as the book will be placed in one of the new museums that the relief bill is itself funding. In this way the publication creates artifacts with which the museums can be filled while they might otherwise remain empty.

When questioned about plagiarism violations with regards to the title of the book, Congress provided video evidence confirming that they in fact came up with the title based on their own physical undertaking of the process of writing the bill. Thus, any similarities to previously published works are believed to be simply coincidental at this time.

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