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Satirical Articles

Government Issues Mandate that Due to Coronavirus All Parties Must Bring Your Own Bullshit (BYOB)

The governments of several states including California and New York have told residents that if they are having any sort of gathering or posting anything on social media, every member is required to bring their own bullshit to release into circulation via conversation.

Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi stated, “It’s hard enough to maintain our current level of bullshit and despite our efforts not everyone is buying it. Thus, we need every citizen to get out there and take it upon themselves to generate at least one new piece of bullshit to spread around to at least one other person.”

“What we’re trying to do is ensure that everyone is as confused as possible,” explained a current Senator who asked to remain anonymous. “Right now, with the majority of the bullshit coming from government officials, there are only several dozen bullshit stories about the same thing circulating around. We would like to take that up to several thousand bullshit stories to create maximum confusion.”

When asked why the BYOB order was going into effect and how it would help, one public health official stated, “Sharing any one theory is dangerous because coronavirus can travel through a single theory. However if there are 300 million socially distanced theories, we can slow the spread of both the virus and any one harmfull bullshit story. And since we must ensure the health of citizens during voting and the integrity of voting itself, all measures to slow the spread are being taken.”

“What is truth if not bullshit’s version of survival of the fittest?” ~Anonymous

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