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Satirical Articles

Nancy Pelosi Won’t Pass Stimulus Bill Until Her Bout of Constipation Passes

Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi has accused House Republicans of recklessness for trying to coerce her into making a quick decision on a stimulus bill to help with coronavirus financial relief. As deliberations move into their fifth month, Madam Speaker released the following statement:

“I will not and cannot make a decision as important and controversial as this one when my brain is not free and clear. As of now there is no room for thought as I am completely backed up.”

In response to much speculation as to the nature of her overflow, Pelosi released another statement clarifying that by “backed up” she meant “behind in work”. But the media is now buzzing with alternate theories because the video statement she released, although recorded in front of her iconic freezer, seemed to show her sitting on a commode. It was also given in a voice that many use when bearing down. Some readers have pointed out that this strange juxtaposition of action and location might in fact be normal amongst her constituents since in San Francisco bathrooms are the least likely place for bowel activity, “She was merely trying to endure her struggles in the same way as they are endured by those in her district,” claimed one reader in a comment that got over one thousand upvotes.

The video has since been taken down on Twitter and Facebook due to “potentially harmful misinformation”. The video however seems to many like a primary source and an investigation is underway to determine the nature of the misinformation.




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Shoshana Nose

Shoshana Nose

Everything is Comedy.

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