Living in the Now
Overcoming regrets, beating anxiety and finding peace
I’ll admit, I am a chronic overthinker.
I spend far too much time inside my own head, stuck in my own thoughts. Inevitably, those thoughts take me to one of two places: the past or the future.
When my mind is in the past, there is often a longing for what once was. There is regret about things I have done that seem wrong — bad decisions, flippant remarks, and angry reactions. There is bitterness about the times that I was mistreated. There is trauma as well. Mixed in with all that are some wonderful memories — of young love, and weddings and birthdays and carefree days in Summer. Put together, it makes the past a nice place to visit occasionally but a dangerous place to dwell.
When my mind is in the future, anxiety, and worry are my constant companions. I think about all the things I have to get done tomorrow. I wonder if I will meet that deadline, finish that job, and have enough to pay the bills. I wonder if things will turn out how I hope. I wonder if my children will grow up happy and well-adjusted, if my good health will hold, if my stocks will rise or fall, and when my hair will fall out. Mixed in with all that are some wonderful dreams — of changing in the world, of enjoying the fruits or my labor, and of resting in the cool of the evening. Put together, it makes the future a nice place to visit occasionally but a dangerous place to dwell.
Those who live too much in the past or the future rarely experience peace.
As Eckhart Tolle says, “All negativity is caused by a denial of the present. Unease, anxiety, tension, stress, worry — all forms of fear — are caused by too much future and not enough presence. Guilt, regret, resentment, grievances, sadness, bitterness, and all forms of non-forgiveness are caused by too much past, and not enough presence”
I think he is right.
These days, I am trying my best to make NOW the primary focus of my life. After all, NOW is all I have. It’s all you have as well. And, if we pay attention, our days are punctuated with reasons for joy, regardless of what our has happened in our past or what the future may hold.
There is a presence to be found in the present, and in that presence is overwhelming peace. Some might call that presence “God,” but don’t let that be a stumbling block for you. Call it what you want. It points to a truth that lies beyond. There is power in the now, just as there is a reason why God calls himself “I am” rather than “I was” or “I will be one day.”
The past might give you an identity, and the future may hold the promise of some kind of salvation depending on what you believe, but the presence is always and only in the present.
I notice the presence in the gentle breeze as it brushes past my face, and I am thankful. I notice the laughter of my children, and I smiled inwardly and outwardly as an act of praise. I experience presence in the first mouthful of a delicious meal. I know his presence in the stories of other people, and I see him at work in both the joy and heartache.
I notice the presence right now as I sit in the dim light of my study in the cool of the evening, sipping on whiskey and writing this newsletter. Silence and stillness are God’s native tongue, and I speak that language to him as much as he speaks it to me.
This noticing is only possible when we can quieten our minds enough to appreciate the “now.”
Are you living in the now?
The Centre for Men and Families exists to create a safe community for men to connect, learn, be loved, and belong so that they can journey deeper and experience transformation of the heart and bring the gift of who they truly are into the world. Join the community today.
