Kellogg’s Coco Chex

I was never a big fan of Chex.

Then again, I was never a big fan of chewing cardboard either so that statement seems like it would be a forgone conclusion.

Am I being too mean? Okay, I’m sorry General Mills. You may have created an empire with Chex but my earliest memories of your cereal will always be tasteless disappointment.

Don’t get me wrong. From an architectural standpoint, Chex was visionary. It boasts one of the strongest constructions in the breakfast cereal game which begets a hearty and more importantly, long-lasting crunch. The wide surface area of each piece receives milk effectively yet that milk never settles thanks to a porous exterior coupled with a hollow interior. Structural integrity is the key to dominating the morning meal and I’d be remiss to not credit Chex for its revolutionary design.

I’ll even go as far as to applaud General Mills’ attempts to branch out to an audience whose parents cared less about dental health and more about pandering to their children’s need for sweets. Variations such as Chocolate, Cinnamon, or Vanilla Chex dared to mildly question (not challenge) the boundaries of acceptable sugar levels for breakfast cereals. But these timid attempts to sweeten the pot (hA!) were poorly executed and ultimately failed to distance themselves from the original cardboard-inspired flavors such as Rice, Corn, or Wheat Chex.

Enter Asian manufacturers and the glorious art of the knock-off.

The first installment of an ongoing mini-series called “Chocolate Bootlegs,” Coco Chex, as far as I know, aren’t available in the United States. A product of Kellogg’s, this cereal expertly adapts the famed Asian business practice of the knock-off to breakfast foods and does so masterfully. But while many imitation products often mask compromised quality behind a glamorous yet false aesthetic, we celebrate Coco Chex for actually innovating and improving upon its original inspiration. By taking a revolutionary design and gratuitously amplifying it’s chocolatey flavor, Coco Chex addresses its predecessor’s major shortcoming. And much like how Jesus turned water into wine, Kellogg’s transforms cardboard into crunchy chocolate wonder.

These guys are sweet, there’s absolutely no doubt about it. Kellogg’s certainly wasn’t shy with the bag of cocoa when ripping off this recipe. Each bite is a glaring affront to my childhood filled with horrifying memories of my parents stocking our pantry with a depressing selection of Total or Grape Nuts. But nothing is overdone here and the chocolate flavors are masterfully orchestrated while sacrificing none of the sound structural integrity that characterized the original Chex. If you like chocolate and you like a cereal that more than stands its own in a bowl of milk, this one’s a no-brainer.

Cereal Killer Score: 9/10