My Valentine thinks I am old
What else could a Grandfather’s Clock signify?
Click, click, click, I went. Flipping between tabs, checking credit card statements for possible purchases. If you saw me do this, you would wonder. Maybe my husband is having an affair. Or he’s a closet alcoholic. Or at the very least, a compulsive gambler. What else would explain this surreptitious scanning of accounts, right? Well, most people would assume these things and sigh. They would keep me in their thoughts and prayers and tell tales of how supportive a wife I am. But if you knew the real reason, you would do exactly the same for the Pati Parmeshwar (loosely translated to Lord & Master, my beloved husband)
You see, I am an obsessive sleuth. Somebody who doesn’t need to go digging but does so, just to prove she can. I could bore you with the treasure trove of trivial details I have discovered and stored in my brain over the span of my life. Space that could probably be used to retain valuable meaningful knowledge; but what could be more precious than the look on people’s faces when I recall things even they have forgotten. It’s an esoteric feeling. You wouldn’t understand. Do you think I used that word, right? ‘Esoteric’
Anyhoo, just so you know, I was scanning the statements to find out what he’d bought me for Valentine’s Day. I believe in Quid Pro Quo when it comes to gifting. Wedding gifts should be commensurate with the cost per plate at the wedding venue. Birthday gifts to the last gift received from the person. Between the Pati Parmeshwar and me, we try not to outdo each other but given how difficult it is to find the right gift these days, it helps to know the price range I am looking at. Very practical, don’t you think?
After browsing through the charges made at Playstation Store (My god, the man needs a new hobby), gas stations, myriad of restaurants (#NotetoSelf: Must cook more at home) and Whole Foods (What am I buying there if we are eating out all the time?), all I really found was a $190 purchase at a place called “Time Travellers”. Now what could the Pati Parmeshwar have possibly bought me at a store by that name?
I really hoped he didn’t buy another watch. I had clearly marked the watch I next wanted and no special sale day would reduce the $3500 price tag to $190. Maybe he bought a Time Machine. I could go back in time and correct all our mistakes. He could go ahead in time and find out the mistakes we are about to make. We could meet back here and discuss! I could already see his eyes glazing over at the suggestion. I couldn’t help chuckling as I dialed the store. What! You can google any place now. It’s the world of exciting possibilities.
A Grandfather Clock! He had bought a Grandfather Clock! Why would he buy me that? Why? Is he trying to say I am an antique? Does he think I am getting old? Does he think my voice booms like the pendulum? Where would I keep the damn thing in our apartment? Next to our bed, on his side. Next to the dining table, right where he sits. In the living room, exactly in front of the Playstation Camera. Maybe he can move to the living room too, live with the clock. I was fuming, thinking of the many many revenge gifts I could buy him.
Ninety years without slumbering
Tic toc tic toc
His life’s seconds numbering
Tic toc tic toc
It stopped, short, never to go again
When the old man died.
No! No! I wouldn’t kill him. This is just The Grandfather’s Clock Song I had learnt in middle school. Remember the Trivia storage in my brain. This is Exhibit 1 for you. The weight of this purchase was bringing me down by the minute and distraught, I started researching hairfall solutions. I would look very happy about the Grandfather’s Clock and then I would post the Rogane pics on Facebook.We were going for total honesty here! He thinks I am getting old but I ‘know’ he’s going bald! Ha! Ha!
Later that night, I couldn’t help being pleased with myself as I thought of the perfect Facebook post. I kept rolling my eyes at him till he asked what happened. I initially feigned ignorance and then just yelled ; “Why did you buy me a Grandfather’s Clock? Why?” He looked at me totally dumbstruck and then a bulb lit. “Mike used my card to buy something for his mom. He venmo’ed me the money though. Why would he gift his mom a Grandfather’s Clock? Hmmm! BTW when is Valentine’s Day? Did I miss it?” Right about then, my phone beeped. The Rogane had been delivered to his office. Damn you! Amazon Same Day Shipping.
Stories I write are inspired from my life but not necessarily about me. I only feel the need to put this as a disclaimer, because you might think my husband is going bald. He isn’t. Am I the psychotic sleuth though? Maybe, Maybe not. Clap to find out. :)
