Singing Doorbells
The auctioneer handed us a plastic wireless button each.
“Excuse me, I’m here just to watch,” I handed back mine to her.
She smiled cheerfully, “Keep it, I have enough for everyone and who knows, you might change your mind later.”
The house was pretty ugly. It was more for the experience that I stood there than to participate. The house I had an eye on will be for auction in two weeks. I plan to have a strategy.
“I hope you don’t mind me making it a bit more fun for me,” the auctioneer spoke to everyone, “When you want to bid just press the button and the bell will ring, it’s just a normal doorbell, each has a different jingle. When someone rings you can immediately press the button, and if no one else presses it by the time the song ends then it will be sold to the person who played the last song in accordance with the prophecy. How’s that? Sounds fun, right? We start at 500K at 10K increments. ”
Sounds horrific, I could only hope that she won’t be there at my house. So they started. I had bad experiences with singing doorbells. I hated all of the songs, except for the Happy Birthday, simply because on my 10th birthday, the postman rang the doorbell and gave me the only birthday wish I got that day.
Jingle Bells
I groaned. Of course. The day we had our first singing doorbell installed, Jingle Bells played. Nana came with three suitcases and announced, ‘You both work, I’ll take care of him.’ Him being me. Nana was a heavy furniture piece, you don’t want it in your house but it was too much trouble to get rid of. At least with furniture you can call the removalists.
Waltzing Matilda
Ugh. At one point this was the only song my doorbell could play, and that’s when I had a psycho girlfriend who would rang night and day to make sure I was home and not sleeping with her girlfriend. Even if it was true, she’s still crazy beyond the edges of her pink umbrella. I still shudder when I hear this one.
Jingle Bells
“Sit straight!”
“I’m at home playing, Nana. There’s no one around.”
“I’m here. You’re here, and we deserve respect! Now sit straight.”
Waltzing Matilda
“What took you so long? What’s this smell? Did I see you turn off lights somewhere? This smells like a girl’s perfume. Are you hiding anyone here?”
“Toilet. Toilet. Toilet. Not in the toilet.”
“Huh what?”
“Aww babe, don’t worry. You’re my one and only booboo. Let’s go out and shop.”
Jingle Bells
“Come and help me hang my briefs!” Nana screamed from the yard..
Bloody hell, there’s only so much I could take. I pressed the button to get out of the memory hell hole. Happy Birthday came on. Cool, something I can tolerate.
“Sold to Mr or Mrs Happy Birthday for 550K! Thank you everyone. Now please return the bells to me, and Happy Birthday please stick around to get the paperwork done.”
Well, I’ll be. That’s how you sell an ugly house aka ruin the Happy Birthday song.
Editors
