Interview w/Shin

Shin is going to be writing for us about her journey with mental health, so before she did that, we thought we’d speak to her a bit more so you can get to know her.

First things first, who are you, what do you do and how would you describe yourself?

I’m Shauniqwa, known as Shin, so you can go with that. What do I do? I’m a server, an entrepreneur, and an advocate. I’m an advocate for endometriosis.

Coffee or tea?

Tea, all the way. Honestly, any tea, I think I have opened my palette to a different range of teas. I can’t do coffee, it’s way too strong.

Hip-hop or RnB?

Um, hip hop now, R&B when I was growing up. That’s only because I’m a nineties baby, so I grew up with not just Aaliyah (cause that’s just the top) but I grew up with envogue, TLC, SWV, Escape and all those girl groups.

I was kind of like a lonely child and my mom was young when she had me, so I was growing up with her and that was her music. But it’s all about hip hop now though. I think there’s a lot of artists now that I’ve kinda been relating to lately.

SIDEBAR — I will have to speak up and put this on record, RIP. Nipsey Hustle. RIP to an amazing icon and leader.

Do you feel like you can relate to hip hop now because of some of the things that you’re going through?

Hip hop more so now, yes. Like mental illness is such a big, big, big, big, stigma. But now it’s being uncovered on so many different layers, like an onion. Certain hip hop artists have been more relatable and more understanding. Not every artist, cause some artists you don’t even know what the hell they’re saying, It’s just a mumble rap. The ones that were true and that stayed true. Like I grew up, I love, and still to this day, like J.Cole.

Late nights or early mornings?

Used to be late nights, but early mornings now. I can’t sleep past 8 o’clock!

Favourite social media platform?

Instagram. It was the one things that I spent most of my time on throughout my hospital stays. I love to look more on the explore page where it’s like the whole world and what they’re posting and what they’re doing. I don’t really spend much time on my own friend list. I can be on all night just watching makeup tutorials, finding clothing lines and things like that.

Current idol?

I don’t really have one specific person that I say. I guess if I break it down into categories. Healthwise, Tia Mowry, she is a survivor of endometriosis. Life wise, my mom, because I look up to her. Guidance, my grandfather for his advice and honesty. We have very similar personalities and he is able to see my view when he is giving me advice and have my best interests at heart.

Why is mental health so important to you?

As a person who is going through it right now, I can’t say that I have full acknowledgement on what exactly it is that I am going through right now with my disease, but I suffered from depression a long time ago, I suffered my whole entire 13th year.

I didn’t know what it was at the time, but now that I’m older I can say, it was depression. I didn’t want to go outside. I didn’t want to see people, and it was around the time where I was just realizing I’m becoming more of an adult. I’m was being shipped from Florida to Canada, constantly, and I don’t have friends. I was just so sad and I would just lay in bed every day and didn’t want to do anything. It progressed into my adulthood; it just got worse.

At the end of the day, it took me almost dying twice to change my outlook. It took that to really make me want to do something to change things for myself and to really make a difference.

What is it that you’ve been going through, and when did it start?

I was just young, I didn’t care. I just wanted to work, I wanted to make big money, have a great boyfriend, travel, and just have as much fun as possible. I got sick and I got stuck in such a weird place, it got to a point where I was just like, is this all mental? Or is something actually really happening? And then when I got admitted the first time, I spent a total of probably six days in the hospital. I was in and out of doctors offices and hospitals before I was even diagnosed.

After the first time, I was admitted to the hospital for emergency surgery, the doctor was making his rounds and came in to say that there were two possible outcomes as to why he thinks I have all of this pain. He told me it could either be a sexually transmitted disease because it was abdominal pain or endometriosis. He explained it vaguely for me, but the diagnosis wasn’t certain.

I went back to work, did a few stressful days, and got severely sick again. Was rushed to the hospital with doctors saying that I was showing signs of appendicitis. My first thought was, when can I get back to work? How fast can you get me back on my feet? And those were my thoughts right up until after my second surgery.

So, I wake up from my emergency surgery and it’s Christmas morning. The doctor comes in and says that I had a hernia as well as two cysts on my ovaries that my body was holding on to and just wouldn’t let go of. They scheduled a third surgery to have a gynaecologist present to know what is happening there.

The thing with endometritis is that is can go pretty much undetected for years. The only way to diagnose it is through surgery, there is no other way to get early-stage detection. I was really mad at my doctors, especially, my gynaecologist for such a long time because they could’ve prevented this. I was in and out of the doctors' offices for years with the same complaints and I had done two surgeries before being diagnosed.

So my surgery date rolls around, and after that was finished, the doctor comes in and says basically this is what happened:

Your surgery was only supposed to be an hour however it was four. He tells me that there is a lot going on, its everywhere and aggressive, but you are going to be ok.I nearly died but that I’ll be okay.

They broke the news to me that I had Stage Three endometriosis. Now he puts me on a treatment plan, on a pill to help me, only to find out the pills are like borderline menopause inducing pills. I wasn’t able to move, I was crying every minute and now it started to sink in that I wouldn’t be able to have kids.

The physical healing process took almost two months, but the mental strain only got worse. My mental state was at an all-time low, but I knew that I needed to get back to work to pay my rent and my bills.

I went back to work but let me tell you, it was one of the hardest things to deal with.

Having to go back to work, while almost dying twice on a hospital bed and having been told I would have this disease forever, and STILL have to convince your workplace that you are in a severe condition was the worst part. I am trying to tell myself it is going to be ok while having to convince my management of what I am going through. It was one of, if not the hardest time in my life. It was like I couldn’t catch a break. The story about my workplace and endometriosis doesn’t get any better, in case you’re wondering if I ever do catch that break. But that is a whole struggle in itself and I promise to share another time.

Things don’t get better overnight. It is a daily struggle and a daily battle to tell yourself to be happy, and that it's ok to not be ok. I am still waiting for that break.

How did endometritis change your life?

It changed my outlook on life. It got really low for me because I was just like, ok, I’m dying. I have an incurable disease. But it took almost dying twice during surgery that really made me see things in a different light.

It took a long time to start viewing things differently, I would say that I’m still in the middle of my depression, but I am learning how to slowly get myself out of there. It wasn’t easy, but I am making a conscious effort.

I eat properly now, that is one of the main things that has changed. You have to change your diet with endometritis and have to stay on track — but I mean, you only live once, so if you’re really craving that McDonald’s, go ahead and get it!

What resources were there?

None. There are zero resources, other than the internet. Not many places or people to reach out to for advice and comfort. I’m a firm believer in not doing any Google searches unless I know for sure for what I have, and it took the doctors years until they could even detect what my diagnosis was; that is how behind they are on research and development for Endometriosis.

How did endometritis impact your mental health?

I mean, I have been dealing with this for a long time. I’ve always suffered from abdominal pain, like strong abdominal pain. Knowing about my diagnosis, mentally hurt more than dealing with the physical aspect of pain. Now that I have been diagnosed, it hurts, mentally, knowing that I can’t have kids.

Mentally knowing that doctors are telling me that I can’t do something knowing that I was put on this earth to do so, is more hurtful than anything I have gone through physically.

It’s also hard to put yourself in a positive state after when you’re told negative after negative things. It’s hard for you to sit there and understand why this is happening to me? And why now? Why at this point in my life when I am just at my prime? Your mind plays such a huge, huge part in your recovery and the way you look at everything else moving forward will determine quickly you will come out from your dark place. It is an up and down battle, but almost dying twice has pushed me to deal with things in a more positive way.

What’s your advice to people going through endometritis?

I’m still trying to be optimistic.

But, first things first, you’re not alone. It’s more common than we actually think. For those who are suffering from it, just take it day by day. Every day is going to be hard, and every day is going to be something new so you just have to just tackle one issue at a time. If it is work you are tackling, let it just be work that day. If it’s your medication (those who are doing the Lupron injection depending on your body, there are so many side effects) just deal with that one day at a time.

Take the time to do self-care, self-care every day. If that means that you need to just watch your favourite show for an hour, do that. If that means that you need to smoke a joint (well, we do have weed legalized over here), do it. Just find what works for you and just let it flow. If you enjoy it then do it.

Just cherish your relationships; they definitely impact your mental stability. If you don’t have a solid foundation with anything, then how can you feel solid yourself? Create a solid foundation or make sure that you have one.

As long as if you have something that is worth living for, that will help you get out of your mental struggle with endometriosis.

How will your journey with endometritis and your mental health develop over the year do you think?

It is always a battle but I am more zen and calmer now. Just knowing that you have a disease and just being educated about it I have so much respect for those who are going through cancer or going through anything that involves being medically unwell for potentially the rest of your life.

It’s hard and it’s something eventually you have to come to an understanding of “this is what I have” and you just have to deal with it in your own way and I’m still learning that. It is still such a big trigger. I can start balling my eyes out at any time because of what I have, but I am learning to cope.

Endometriosis has taught me that the more you educate yourself on that or any disease, the more that you can understand a person. I hope to be more of an advocate for endometriosis and women’s health matters.

What’s your life motto?

Life motto? (Shin laughs whilst saying it) Bible. Love. Live. Laugh.