Interview with a dancing girl
We sat down to speak to a friend of ours about her journey, the stigma around stripping and how people’s actions impact her mental health. She asked to stay anonymous, which we totally respect, but we really appreciate her taking the time out to talk to us.
What got you into dancing and what is it that you like about it?
Money was the motivation at first, but what kept me in this industry is definitely the flexibility. Deciding when I want to work, not having to ask anyone permission to take a vacation and being able to work in different cities on my own time are some of the things I love about it.
Why do you think there is such a large stigma around it?
Most people assume what goes on in a strip club based on what they see in movies or on TV, which a lot of the time highlight the negative aspects of the job and characterizes dancers in a negative light (e.g. dancers have no morals, all dancers have daddy issues, etc).
This also leads people to believe that all dancers are the same, but I’ve worked with girls from all different walks of life: mothers, students, addicts, yoga instructors, real estate agents, the list goes on!
Have you ever been slut-shamed, how and why? How did it make you feel?
Most of the time when I’ve experienced any slut-shaming it’s been when I haven’t been working. A common form of slut-shaming I’ve been through is women being catty and not trusting you around their significant other once they find out you’re a dancer. When I’m not at work I like to turn that part of my life off, so it does get irritating that other women feel like their boyfriend is some kind of target for me, and that I’m being put in this box of their perception of how a ‘dancer’ carries herself.
What sort of shitty things do you have to put up with from customers and how does that have an impact on your mental health?
I could on for days on this one, but the one that sticks out the most to me is when customers feel like they can say anything rude or disrespectful and because they are in a strip club, there are no consequences to what they say.
Dancers are still human and we still have feelings.
You definitely have to learn to not take things personally and remember that just like the dancers, the customers have their own lives outside of here too and you don’t know what they are going through.
What’s your advice to women out there who are dancers but don’t have great mental wellbeing?
I definitely believe you have to be strong mentally to succeed in this industry. Because this is not a typical occupation, norms get blurred by people working in this industry and it's easy to begin accepting things as normal that you typically wouldn’t in a different job setting (e.g. drinking at work).
Because you don’t really have a boss, it's up to you to keep yourself in check. That might become difficult for someone who isn’t that strong mentally. If you are a dancer and don’t feel like you have the greatest mental health, I would definitely say talk to a professional. It might be a good idea to take some time away from the industry to build up their confidence and then maybe return gradually.
What are the five things you wish you could tell your younger self?
- It takes way more energy out of you to have a negative reaction to something than to just let it slide. If it’s not going to matter in 24 hours just let it go. Preserve your energy for the positive!
- Work as much as you can while you’re young to optimize your time in this industry
- SAVE YOUR MONEY
- You barely know anything about life right now and that’s ok. Wisdom will come with life experience so just live your life and allow yourself to grow :)
- Have an exit plan
What’s your life motto?
Life is short. Invest in yourself and do what makes you happy!
