Living Sober: The tale of youth and decision

I grew up in a region where there are probably more so-called wine villages than inhabitants in south-west Germany, so I already was used to being surrounded by alcohol all the time. Every weekend in summer there would be another festival in another small village where people drink loads of wine and sometimes beer or hard alcohol and I always found that weird.

When I got older people around me started to try alcohol for the first time and on one festival I wanted to try it myself. I wanted a beer, I was 15 and my mum allowed me to order one. I tried one without lemonade in it and one with lemonade in it but I didn’t really like but somehow felt the pressure that I have to kind of like it. But this pressure didn’t last because right after this I decided that this stuff wasn’t for me and I decided to always stay sober. Regardless of another background story, which is that both my grandpa and my uncle died from being addicted to alcohol way too early.

So when I started in high school I was surrounded by people who would get insanely drunk every weekend sometimes also coming to school drunk and then celebrating themselves, as if it was an achievement they’d accomplished. I never really understood that. It made me not want to go out partying much because I knew everyone would get completely drunk whenever there was a party. I also DJed at some parties and people were always asking me if I didn’t drink and when I told them I didn’t, they were shocked most of the time because they couldn’t accept it.

I’ve always have been scared of losing control when taking drugs (yes, alcohol is also a drug, but accepted by society) so I never took them. The fear of losing control must have to do with my history because in my childhood someone else always decided for me..

When that changed and I finally got to choose, I decided to never lose my self-control.

I, then, moved to Berlin and of course, made a couple of friends which all drank alcohol but suddenly it wasn’t that much of a problem, because if you come to Berlin you learn super quick to accept things and move on. I went out partying with friends and see them getting insanely drunk but I wouldn’t care much, it was just hard to take care of them during those nights. And I did that for a couple of months until I again realised that going out with drunk friends is not my favourite thing to do so I stopped going out again.

It is actually pretty shocking to see your friends in a different way, suddenly rude or super needy for closeness and love. Basically spending your nights when being sober is not a relaxing thing because of course you care about them and you don’t want anything to happen to them, right?

So nowadays, when I go out, I only go to parties where there’s focus on music and not on getting “shit-faced”.

In my youth, I experienced a lot of unacceptance for not drinking alcohol. It was especially from people of the same age and I never really got why they cared about me not drinking and then starting to insult me about it. It was super weird and I’m glad that I, at this time, already had a strong mindset and an even stronger opinion so I wouldn’t care much when people went at me (verbally) for being different. These are the first two stigmata.

I luckily also experienced loads of respect for not drinking as I got older. Nowadays 9/10 people accept it and show respect for it but I’m still hearing sentences like: “Oh, I wish I could do that but alcohol is just important to me.”

You know what else is annoying about not drinking?

“Let’s go for a beer… Ah I forgot that you don’t drink haha…” We’ve known each other for years and this never changed, bro. Like come on, are you even listening?

“What do you mean you don’t drink? Not even a Radler because Radler is not alcohol, haha.”

“Ah no alcohol but you do take other drugs, right? Like weed, pills or cocaine. Because you look like it. I have friends that don’t drink but they fill up with themselves with drugs. Aren’t you such a person?” Nah man, I’m 100% clean, aside from my caffeine and sugar addictions!

“Do you mind if I ask why you don’t drink?” Bro, do you mind if I ask why you drink? Is it so abnormal to you that there are people that don’t drink?

I rarely get offended by these things but I do think it’s kind of annoying from time to time.

What surprised me a lot throughout the years of abstinence is that it’s more accepted by society to drink alcohol than not to drink alcohol. I think this is one of the weirdest things in our society. Everyone gets conditioned already in their childhood by seeing their families drinking alcohol but no one ever tells them that it’s actually totally fine to not drink. No, there’s always that one uncle or that one aunt that asks you every time:

“Ah you still don’t drink? Are you okay? Come on I get you a beer or a wine or a liquor?!”

Also when you’re meeting the families of your partner and their families’ friends which often are really intolerant when it comes to people just being different from them.

As I said earlier, it’s totally okay to not drink and to not take drugs or to not eat meat or anything that is not ‘normal’ to society. The first thing you need to do is to accept it yourself that you’re the way you are and that it’s fine. Then create a strong mindset around this point and a strong opinion and then stay behind it and protect it. It’s actually that simple. I know it takes a lot of your energy to create a strong mindset and then keep it and feed it over the years but let me tell you that it’s totally worth it because you will feel better if you accept yourself for how you are and who you are. That also goes for almost anything in your life!