2 Questions I Wish I Had Answered When I Was Younger
It is never too late to have the right conversation with yourself
My twenties passed in a flash. This year I turn thirty five and I cannot help but ask myself how did all this time pass? Why did it feel so quick? And what did I gain out of it all?
On the surface I can say that everything leading up to this point in my life was just fine. I built a business, I bought a house, I travelled the world, I got married. But on a deeper level I could equally say that everything could have been more than just fine. My marriage didn’t work out, I betrayed my artistic side, I felt empty all this time. Just fine is a statement we use to sell ourselves short, it seems.
I have little to no regrets. Yet I could comfortably tell you that, had I mingled with a mentor, read more books, or at least asked myself some revealing questions, my life would have been a lot more peaceful. I would have less pain and more harmony with my authentic self — especially when it comes to matters of the heart and the callings of my art. All I can do now is act with more awareness within a journey of relentless truths about my character and how I fit in this world — I am grateful for this rewarding journey and everything that had led me to it.
I hear people wishing they, knowing what they know now, could go back in time to make decisions that fit better with who they really are. Now that I am one of those people, I say let’s not fantasize about building a time machine. Instead, let’s start today by asking ourselves a couple of questions that could potentially propel our hearts into harmonious living.
Note: write down these questions and answers on a piece of paper and allow yourself the time and space to take note of whatever comes to you. Be mindful of your heart and what it’s telling you. Follow that heart of yours and forget your mind. Do not think of who you ought to be, instead focus on who you want to be.
Question #1: What are my top three core values?
Core values are a set of laws that make up your authentic self. Your core values influence your attitude, behavior, and actions in everything you do in life.
This is a crucial exercise as it allows you to uncover falsehoods about the person you think you are (the mask you wear) versus the person you truly are (your authentic self).
Most of us grow up with a set of values that have been handed to us by our family, society, or environment. It could be the case that we are operating with values that aren’t reflective of our authentic selves. This could be the reason why we are experiencing uncomfortable lives.
Take the time to uncover false values, replacing them with ones that really reflect who you are at the core. Values could change over time, they are not set in stone — it is therefore a good exercise to engage with every couple of years. This exercise will form the building block of a future self that is harmonious to your life.
You would be surprised to realize some values you think represent who you really are but in fact are far from your truth. As an example, some people might think that family, money, and stability are their top values when in fact it is freedom, passion, and peace.
Once you start acting in accordance to your true core values, trust that your world will open up in ways you have never imagined.
Examples of Values
Happiness. Family. Growth. Money. Knowledge. Freedom. Positivity. Peace. Service to Others. Security. Religion. Love. Humor. Creativity. Success.
Once you have your values written down, select the three values which you believe are your core values. make sure you challenge each one of your selections. Back your argument up with evidence from your past and present and explore how each value has served you (or limited you).
For example, ask yourself:
Do these values make me a happier person at my core?
Are these values representative of who I truly I am?
How do these values serve me?
What are the underlying emotion that I attach to each of these values?
Am I endorsing these values from a place of fear (survival) or a place of love (growth)?
Once you have these values figured out, you can then have a conversation with yourself on how you plan on unapologetically becoming these values in everything you do: from your decisions to your actions, from your thoughts to your emotions, from your goals to your relationships.
A life lived in harmony with one’s values is a life worth living. No more will there be internal conflicts and confusion. No more will you experience regret or doubt.
Question #2: What are my limiting beliefs?
Beliefs are a set of ideas and emotions we hold towards what we encounter in life. These ideas are hardwired in our brains and tend to bypass our basic function of logic. They are generalizations you have adopted about yourself and the world around you.
Belief systems support our ability to navigate the world with momentum. Having said that, we tend to adopt some beliefs that are not true. Our mind puts them there to protect us from a phantom danger that simply isn’t real.
Limiting beliefs are survival tools that box us in our comfort zones — they directly clash with our desire for growth and happiness.
Examples of limiting beliefs
I believe that all that all men are cheaters
I believe that I cannot make money by doing what I love
I believe that I have nothing to offer in my relationship
I believe that I am not smart enough to get what I want from life
I believe that the city I live in is the reason why I am still single
I believe I am too old to start over
I believe My children are the source of my problems
Limiting beliefs are very dangerous statements. They are silently killing our ability to make real changes to the things that bother us in life. When we leave our limiting beliefs unchecked and unchallenged, we begin to engage in cognitive bias: continuously looking for evidence around us that support our false arguments; which places us in a vicious cycle of cause and effect:
“See? I told you this city sucks”
“See? I told you I am not good enough”
“See? Didn’t I say that there’s no money in my art?”
On and on we go with our lives, developing negative patterns that lead us no where except right where we are — No progress, no change, only stagnation. We are left helpless in our status quo, wondering why we are not happy.
Write down as many limiting beliefs as you can. Select three major limiting beliefs and challenge them relentlessly. Be brutally honest with yourself.
Finally, write down the antidote to these limiting beliefs as such:
All men are cheaters → The world is full of good men
I cannot make money by doing what I love → I am happiest doing what I love and life will reward me for it
I have nothing to offer in my relationship → I am kind, I am smart, I am funny, I am successful. I have so much to offer in my relationship
I am not smart enough to get what I want from life → I am intelligent and capable of doing anything I put my mind to
The city I live in is the reason why I am still single → The city I live in has so many awesome places and interesting people that I am yet to discover
I am too old to start over → I am healthy. I am smart. I am capable of achieving the changes I want in my life at any stage in my life
My children are the source of my problems → My children are a source of joy and wonder
By identifying, challenging, and eliminating your limiting beliefs, you are essentially uprooting the negative dialogue that goes on in your head. The voice inside your head is the one telling you that you are not good enough, that the world is dead set on defeating you, that you are a victim to circumstances you cannot change. This voice is not you.
You can see now how a limiting belief is nothing but BS talk that has been unconsciously taking you for a ride. No more are you going to let your life be limited with this kind of talk. If you want to change for the better, start by challenging the false fundamentals you have inside your head. It is the starting point to a better future.
Search your soul for new beliefs to adopt. Feel them with every fiber of your body. Say them over and over again. Shout them out loud even. Quickly you will start to embody these new beliefs and your world will become positive, harmonious, supportive.
Remember:
Magic is a shift in consciousness
I hope, from the bottom of my heart, that these two questions will serve you just as they served me, in finding magic and meaning to your life’s journey.
