3 Buddhist Mindsets That Boost Resilience

Increase your life quality by learning how to persist and wield the gentle giant inside.

“Do not judge me by my success, judge me by how many times I fell down and got back up again.”
― Nelson Mandela

We are used to measuring people by their achievements. Successes are much desired, like gold — shiny, glowing and easy to spot, a badge proudly worn to social events. People that have tasted successes have that radiant air around them that inquests for well-deserved admiration. Their spotlighted successes occasionally even cast tiny shadows of envy from onlookers.

What we don't often be a witness of and only pay attention to when we're inspired— is how they got up there, how they really got there. We hear stories of how close they were to giving up, throwing in the towel, accepting defeats. But despite all that, they hang on. They were beating all odds to achieve what they set out to do. They were patient and resilient in their efforts.

Resilience noun /rɪˈzɪliəns/

the ability of people or things to recover quickly after something unpleasant, such as shock, injury, etc.

We live in a constant state of distraction, phones, tablets, emails. We slowly get robbed off of our time and our patience, tolerance, and resilience. One of the inner strengths that big companies value and lately get a lot of recognition is indeed Resilience. Google employees have access to Resilience Training with expertise from professional athletes and psychologists to help boost their mental health.

It is about embodying a mindset. And it is about practice.

1. Emotions are not to be controlled but observed.

The illusion of control can fog our minds if we have a habit of suppressing so-called unwanted feelings and emotions and don't have a strategy to release them. We feel safer when we are in control. We cultivate an image of someone who shows no emotions, or only the positive ones, and refuse to look closely at what those emotions are trying to tell us. It can get confusing, especially with the new-age self-help boom — we are told to ignore emotions/ thoughts/ feelings and other times we're advised to dissect them closely.

So what to do?

Maybe we should stop thinking and start doing.

1. You are looking to lose weight, but this New-year resolution may very well end up like the last. You felt motivated for days, weeks perhaps, but then it went away, and you dreaded going to the gym. Maybe this is a time when we should ignore all that feelings of discomfort and keep on doing what we know is good for us. Stick to doing what is good for us even though we don't feel good about it.
2. You got triggered by your partner's comments, and you felt wind up. At the time, that hurt may come up like a snapback or ridicule at your partner's shortcomings, or it can disguise itself as anger and discomfort. This is when we should look at what we are feeling and what they mean to us. Are there wounds within ourselves that we have not yet healed? (And no, despite popular beliefs — time doesn’t heal or make us forget, it just help bury the things we don't want to deal with). These emotions and feelings act as a minesweeper; act when you hear the alarm.

You guess it right, emotions should serve our betterment — not doom nor indulgence. We either give too much or too little attention to feelings and emotions and sometimes we forget to see them for what they truly are. Emotions and feelings are not good or bad. They are there to tell us about ourselves and how we can be a better person than we were yesterday. See our wounds for what they are. See what we are sensitive about. See how can we heal that. See how we can be better partners, parents, friends and workers when we don’t carry the burden of our past. And we all have some history.

That is when we can live fully in the present.

2. Master the Art of Impermanence

The Buddhists believe that nothing ever stays the same. We could not enter the same river twice. Seasons coming and going. Parents growing old and children growing up. The only thing permanent is change.

And so to be really good at living (yes, it is truly a skill to lead a full and happy life), we got to be really good at managing and accepting changes. Know that whatever setback we're facing won't be a problem five years (or even a night of sleep) from now.

Choose to evolve, voluntarily.

Choose to learn over ignorance. Choose to course-correct instead of demand perfection. Choose to let go instead of counting mistakes. Choose to accept people instead of trying to make them change. Choose to grow instead of dwelling in the comfort zone.

Those are the conscious choices we can make every minute of every day that will make a great difference in our lives. We teach ourselves that we can handle hardship and challenges by facing changes head-on. And we grow stronger, more resilient each time we prove to ourselves that we can handle this.

Whatever come, let it come.

Whatever goes, let it go.

Whatever stays, let it stay.

— Buddha

3. You are not alone in this.

Connections are one of the most amazing things that makes a life meaningful. Isn’t it ironic that the more we advance in technology, the more disconnected we are? We are the generation that feels most isolated and misunderstood. With the growing comfort of mobile phones, computers and tablets, we accidentally got disconnected from nature, our loved ones, our friends, and with that our generational wisdom.

We are born to share, be a part of a pack, take consoles in others, and provide consolation in return. Whatever we need to find, someone may have already found an answer for that. It could be a search engine that leads you to that answer, but behind all screens, well, are actual human beings. And perhaps in searching for the same solution, whatever it is, you meet people along the way to go together. And to know that there are answers somewhere to our issues, we just need to be more patient until we find it.

To take that further, it is highly likely that we adopt the values of those around us, either passively and unconsciously or by aspiration. It is not wrong to say that others are the reflection of us — what we like about them is what we like in ourselves, what we can't stand about them is what we secretly wish nobody knew we, too, share a similar trait. And so, whatever struggle we face, someone around us is highly likely facing it too. And to realise that is to discover how connected we are to one another. And as we grow stronger, more resilient, solve more problems — those around us benefit from that as well, whether they are aware of that or not.

Nothing ever exists entirely alone, everything is in relation to everything else.

— Buddha

And if you feel isolated, look again. Find a high enough angle to look for the connections, I promise you'll find it, and sometimes it will leave you surprised.

To build resilience is like building a habit, a muscle that needs exercise. The more we are patient, persistent and gentle with ourselves — the stronger this muscle gets. We all have this gentle giant inside ourselves, a force to be reckoned with, powerful but not destructive, and it crushes through whatever stands in its way.

To breakdown the steps, you can:

1. Observe your emotions instead of trying to control them. Oddly enough, they get weaker each time they show up.
2. Allow yourself to let go and to accept change. Mastering the art of impermanence helps you to ride the waves of change. Live this life fully every day because, actually, you only die once.
3. No matter what you feel sometimes, you're not alone. You're supported, and loved, and guided through whatever hardships you face. So start looking for that and connect the dots!