4 Ways I Accepted My Man Boobs
After thyroid surgery.
During my annual physical exam, the doctor found a small lump on my thyroid. He wasn’t overly concerned. As a precaution, he referred me to an Ear, Nose, and Throat Specialist.
The ENT ran some tests and concluded that I had a 30% chance of cancer and that a biopsy might be prudent.
Faced with such low odds, I thought, “I’ll just take my chances.” After all, there was a 70% chance that it wasn’t cancer. I explained my decision to my daughter.
“Dad, are you nuts? Get the biopsy!”
I’ve learned that millennials know more than me. I took her advice.
The thyroid gland is a vital hormone gland: It plays a major role in the metabolism, growth, and development of the human body. It helps to regulate many body functions by constantly releasing a steady amount of thyroid hormones into the bloodstream.
On the operating table, they found follicular cancer, the fastest-growing kind. My surgeon removed my thyroid and said I was lucky. They caught it just in time.
So much for the great odds! Millennial daughter wins again.
I asked the surgeon what causes follicular cancer. He said, “If I knew that, I’d be retired and on a Yacht in the Caribbean.”
OK.
“I can tell you that your body will go through some changes until we get the medication right.”
“Changes? Like what?”
“Weight gain, weight loss, cold feet, hot flashes, low energy, constipation, muscle weakness, thinning hair, slow heart rate, depression….. like that.”
“In other words, I should size up for a coffin?”
The doctor laughed and told me I’d be fine. Patience is a virtue, he said.
You’ll go through hyperthyroid or hypothyroid until we get the medication right.”
“How long will this take?”
“Hopefully not longer than a couple of months. Maybe a year or so?”
“A year!?”
“Or so, until we get the….”
“I know! Get the medication right.”
The thyroid gland releases triiodothyronine (T3) and thyroxine (T4). These hormones play an important role in regulation of your weight, energy levels, internal temperature, skin, hair, nail growth, and more
The boobs are getting bigger!
I’ve seen my ENT every six weeks for the last year.
“I’m sizing up for a mansier!”
“A what?”
“A mansier! Didn’t you ever watch Seinfeld? I’ve put on 20 lbs, and I’ve got man boobs! I can’t get this weight off. I work out all the time. What am I going to do? My titties are as big as my wife’s.”
“Well, I’ve got good news for you. Your levels are right where we want them. I think we’ve figured this thing out. Your last Ultra-Sound was clear. No cancer regrowth.”
It pays to have great friends.
When you’re diagnosed with cancer, it’s important to have a support group—a group of people who have dealt with or are dealing with the same issues as you.
My support group members remind me it’s a process.
Matt says: “Stop actin’ like a weenie. Take a good look around. You survived cancer. You think you’re the only guy with man boobs?”
Charlie puts it this way: “Dude, you’re not getting any younger. There ain’t a guy your age that don’t have some kind of man boobs. Just accept it. You’re a handsome man otherwise.”
Grace says: “I wish I had your boobs. They’re kind of sexy.”
I love Grace. Her humor has helped me more than once. I relate to humor. It’s important when it comes to cancer and the aftermath.
The incidence of thyroid cancer is on the rise, and this disease is projected to become the fourth leading type of cancer across the globe. From 1990 to 2013, the global age-standardized incidence rate of thyroid cancer increased by 20%
Turning the corner & the takeaway
- Patience is a virtue when it comes to your changing body. When your life has been turned upside down, it takes time to right the ship.
- Find a support group of friends that care more about your heart and mind than about your looks.
- Accepting yourself as a spiritual being rather than a physical being is imperative. This physical body won’t last. It’s a given. If we live long enough, our bodies will break down as all organic material breaks down.
- Self-reliance is a wonderful thing. Trust yourself. If you can’t accept the way that you look, take incremental steps to change.
Final Thoughts
If I can impart a bit of wisdom for all good men and women — make sure you get your annual physical. Cancer doesn’t have to be a death sentence. Learning to live with your body is more important than obsessing over it.
People come in all shapes and sizes. Learning to love yourself despite the challenges is the key to better health.
They’ve finally got my medication right. I’m feeling better. I’m back at the gym. I’ve lost a few pounds, but more importantly, I’m building muscle back.
It’s true. I’m not in the best shape of my life, but I’m alive. I survived. I take a little pill every morning, and I get to live to write another day. Life’s pretty good.
