5 Ways To Define Your Success Before Being Defined By It
A Buddhist take on career success, and it is not what you think.
The pandemic has not only changed the way we work but also the way we define work. Suddenly we realise there is more to it than just pure labour. Coming back to work after lockdowns has seen many of us questioning the meaning of our job and we are now more open to changes — of our work and of ourselves.
This could be the right time to redefine what success looks like to us personally and set the course of our sail. We were unquestionably accustomed to the idea of ‘One day, I will make it/ be that/ have this/ go there’ without too much thinking. It is this future-bounding ideology that fueled our drive, directed our commitments and sprung us forwards hastily. And then suddenly one day, we may very well be woken up with a strange feeling of discontent and be left wondering how we got here.
How did we use to define success?
- Is it having things? Or is it the secure feeling coming from acquiring things that we couldn't afford before?
- Is it being admired and valued? Or is it getting the healthy amount of attention we didn’t quite have enough of growing up?
- Is it doing the job we love and ensuring financial security? Or are we using your job as a distraction from other parts of our life we know we're neglecting?
No one needs to know these answers but us. These seemingly unimportant questions hold the meaning of our journey. And at the time of need, we should be sure to know why we are doing the things we do. Existential and painful questions, you think? Sure, but sooner or later, we all have to do it though.
Perhaps choose sooner.
Perhaps if we choose to face the dragon head-on instead of running away from it — at least it is our choice and we are not at the mercy of life when it shakes the ground under our feet, as life does. Choose to learn to surf the oceans instead of never leaving the land. Choose the hard thing.
“Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes.”
— Karl Jung
1. Success is stored in the present moment
The Buddhists have tried for thousands of years calling for mindfulness and living in the present moment. But what does it even means? “I’m living and breathing; therefore, I live” - right? Not quite.
Marketing companies get paid big dollars by selling ways of being noticed, recognised, remembered. In case you aren’t yet informed, the most expensive commodity is our attention — what we see, what we hear, what we think. Distractions are getting smarter and less detectable. We are the generation of instant gratification and boredom — mindless scrolling, buying, eating. We are paying a high price for the convenience of advanced technology. We are gradually losing the ability of deep thinking, research, genuine connection and freedom of choice — all with our consent.
What to do?
It is very hard to live in these days and age being swamped in technology. A proven way to counter this unavoidable manipulation is to increase our ability to slow down. Meditate. Practice Mindfulness. Learn to call upon a gentle awareness, just enough to pay attention to the world we live in — how the leaves are moving, the birds chipping, the clock turning. And try not to judge good or bad, annoying or beautiful — just a simple observation. It is so incredibly hard for busy people (let’s admit, we all are) to be still and watch life happens with detachment like a slow-motion video. It is doing nothing while doing everything. Can you count your breathing? Feel your heartbeats? How long can you hold that focus there for?
“In mindfulness one is not only restful and happy, but alert and awake. Meditation is not evasion; it is a serene encounter with reality.”
― Thich Nhat Hanh
2. Does your job work for you or you work for it?
in other words:
Are you playing the game (and like it), or do you feel played by it?
It is a minor shift in perspective and mindset that creates big changes in your attitude towards your job.
There seem to be many polarities regarding working and living — it almost sounds like when you’re working you’re actually not living. Certainly, some situations and issues require our time, attention and focus to solve; but being pulled in the spins on end and blindfolded to the beauty of life looks like a prison — not a job.
So it is a million-dollar question of productivity and our wellbeing that smart companies are trying to find an answer to. Where does the balance lie? Is it individualistic or collectivistic? Is it adjustable or definite? Can we have our cake and eat it too?
This is a critical inquest of perception and indeed an important one.
What did work mean?
“Everyone needs to work, so does every productive member of society. Never give much thought about it. Get paid a salary for my effort and time, that’s it.”
“I need to provide security for myself and my loved ones, so I work hard to do that. It is my duty.”
“Having a good job increases my social status, my values and desirableness increases.”
“Only a source to help me pay for the things I actually want to do — travelling, eating fancifully, owning things...”
This comes to the individual motivation — but the devil is in the details. There is a way of ticking all of the above boxes and create a win-win mindset.
If only we could use this job as an opportunity to develop ourselves and increase our value. And by doing so, we don't work for anyone else but ourselves.
Bosses want us to work, bring value and be developed to bring more values. We want to work to sharpen our tools, be valued and compensated accordingly.
When we look at our company as a big playground
- The big bosses are the big guys who built the playground and share it with others to play with, and make profits. They want to make the playground as fun and attractive as possible so that the smart kids would want to join in and play.
- Most kids want to get to play at a good playground — where the sandpit is big and clean, the slide is solid, plenty of activities that they don't get bored with and most importantly: rid of bullies. So we either create our own playground or join a fun one, where we are paid to play and be levelled up in our game. All we need to do is think — how to get more candy for the big guys (it is only fair — they rightfully ought to get something out of the building and keeping up this place!). As we become better players, we get up to different levels, we also bring more candy — it’s a win-win. Of course, this is if the world is an ideal place. But this is the mindset.
It is safe to say — if you get what you want and the company gets what they want, it’s in everyone's best interest to keep this a growing and beneficial relationship. The company should find the best ways to employ and develop its people and make it fun meanwhile. Employees should contribute and add value, ideally increasingly with time and investments.
That goes without saying that if the culture is inadvertently toxic, your managers or colleagues turn out to be the back-stabbing, elbow-pushing, credit-taking, inconsiderate teammates — you wouldn't want to play with them! No one does! It is bad for everybody. GET OUT ASAP!
Because life is a big game, and we may as well enjoy it.
Either we do something that we like or find a way to like what we do. Before you burn yourself out and hate the system, ask yourself, are you doing it for the right reasons and with the right attitude?
“People rarely succeed unless they have fun in what they are doing.”
— Dale Carnegie
3. Build more pillars — success in one area doesn't compensate for others
It is said we often chase what we feel is missing from our lives—recognition, prestige, money or all of it, at once. Work seems to provide a perfect environment to achieve all of that. But what if that circumstance changed? What if we lose our job — the one strong proficient pillar we base our whole life (and sometimes our worth and confidence) on. Should we focus on building one pillar sky-high or would it worth having more pillars at lower levels but solid and steadfast? It is truly an individualistic decision and we have seen the sacrifice made necessary to the achievement of excellence throughout history so there is no right or wrong answer here. But if we aim for a more rounded success, in life and at work — we need a solid support system. When one area collapses and crumbles (as it would— because life is assuredly impermanent), we don't want to be thrown from high grace to the deepest pit of despair, uncertainty and self-doubt.
Because, like it or not, our lives are designed to be multi-dimensional.
- We have a body to keep healthy.
- We have relationships to keep us sane and to support us.
- We need hobbies to keep us curious and relaxed.
- We need the discipline to keep it all in place.
- Our purpose (when we’re ready to define one) to pull us in the right directions and give us the courage and wisdom to course-correct.
Those are all the pillars supporting us if/when one or more goes array.
Takeaway our job, who are we?
A flower is created by things that are non-flowery. It comes from the dissembling small seed, watered by the rains, nurtured by sunshine and the wind, and it blooms when the season comes.
All that is necessary for the flower to exist but we cannot observe in the flower itself. We also are made of things that are non-us. If we want to bloom and be excellent, we have to give space to things that nurture and grow us. Working is one aspect of our life, a very important one nevertheless, but we need more than that.
That being said, when we want our career to bloom, we need to nurture its environment, its non-job aspects.
- Perhaps to be a better presenter, you’ll need to take up an acting class and emerge yourself in the art.
- Perhaps to be able to handle more stress at work, you need to sleep better and take up guided meditation classes and learn to disconnect from work fully.
- Maybe to improve productivity, you need to learn to cook dinners and eat healthily.
Seemingly unrelated things are bound fully related, closely intertwined and divinely support one another. We need more facets to life because we are designed to be complicated and worth exploring.
4. Keep the focus on the process and take your eyes off the prize
If you know where you are going, great. If you know what you want, that’s amazing. But truly, we don’t need to hang a poster on the wall to remind us of that every day. What we need on that wall is the plan — concrete steps that we gotta take to get there.
If we aim for promotion, break down the process into manageable steps:
1. Research what extra work one will need to take on to get transitioned comfortably to the new role.
2. How these extra responsibilities translate into our day to day activities — how many extra meetings? What people we will need to get in touch with to get their insight? What are the new things we need to learn?
3. How this will affect our schedule — does it mean we need to get up an hour early or work an extra hour later to get it done? How long can we do that for?
4. Build the case (break down to more concrete steps).
5. Present the case.
Take off the anxiety of measuring how far we’ve come and how much we have accomplished compared to others. Sometimes what needed is to put our head down and focus on doing the little things the best we can. We need to trust that whatever we put out there, comes back to us in one form or another. If we put in hard work and commitment, we increase the chance we receive that in return. Now that doesn't mean that we all will be rewarded handsomely every time we try our hardest. Perhaps we’ll be truly unlucky and won’t get what we want: the company doesn’t have the budget, they are planning to close down your branch, etc… But how it turns out is truly out of our control — what within our instrument is to decide to try our best and to do it. Your effort, your hard work, your dedication — Nothing will ever be lost. If the goal failed, at least you have enriched your knowledge and resolution, thus increased your value on the job market. Launch towards the Moon and you’ll at least be among the stars.
“The hard work puts you where the good luck can find you.”
— Thomas Jefferson
5. Choose a job that helps others and/or improves the environment
We are all connected in strange and invisible ways. A butterfly flaps its wings in Tokyo Japan would cause a tornado in Rio Brasil. Helping others and improving our living place called Earth also results in improving our lives indirectly. Choose a job to serve, to teach, to improve, to heal, to connect.
“Teach this triple truth to all: A generous heart, kind speech, and a life of service and compassion are the things which renew humanity.”
— Buddha
In short:
To truly own our success, we need to:
- Learn to recognise the success in present moments
2. Shift the perspective of working — we use work to develop ourselves.
3. Cultivate our life as a whole — we are better at our job by being better at our non-job activities and improving our surroundings.
4. Take your eyes off the prize and focus on the small steps that lead there. Zoom out of the goal, zoom in on the work and break it down into manageable steps.
5. Choose a job that serves the higher good.
