All Cops are Not Bastards
The Danger of Absolutes
Last night my wife and I were driving home from dinner on a busy city street. Traffic in front of us came to a standstill as a police car in the oncoming lane stopped to speak to the driver of a sedan heading in the opposite direction. From four cars back we couldn’t tell if the officer was reprimanding the driver for an infraction, or if he was just catching up with an old high school buddy. After a couple of minutes their conversation ended, and we all drove on. I made a comment about the sense of entitlement needed to stop all traffic for a conversation and my wife casually replied, “All Cops Are Bastards”.
Our twenty-three-year-old son had introduced us to that phrase during the George Floyd protests. Its use led to division in our house. My wife and my son adopted the position that even if the actions of an individual officer were above reproach, passive participation in a corrupt and dysfunctional system earned you the same moniker as every other officer. This wasn’t a blue versus red situation. I fully own the fact that I’m a blue voter living in a blue state. I believe that some cops are corrupt and that there’s little appetite to establish a central database so that the 17,985 U.S. police agencies can coordinate and prevent the egregious actors from hopping from one department to another. On the other hand, I can’t even begin to imagine the daily stress of a job where routine interactions involve the possibility of shooting someone or being shot.
I know that I’m an old white male and these days my local archbishop has a greater chance of being profiled and hassled than I do. But I grew up in the Australian Deep North with a loosely regulated police force and I remember the fear of the boys in blue pulling me over and landing a few punches on the long-haired teenager with a hoon car and a rusted muffler. Even then I didn’t believe that the solution was to assume every participant in the institution was equally guilty of the thuggery of a few.
Absolutes in pretty much any context destroy the possibility of constructive conversation and progress. My wife is active in her Sorority alumnae association. My response last night was to ask her what she would think if every time there was a news report about Sorority racism, or a death from Fraternity binge drinking, I flippantly observed that “All Greeks Are Fuckwits”. I know that statement is not true. Through my wife I’ve met plenty of Greek Alums that I like and respect. But that doesn’t mean I’m a fan of the institution. The parallels are strong.
It’s just as counter-productive to make absolute generalizations on the positive side. Over the years I’ve volunteered and raised money for suicide prevention, church reconstruction, HIV programs and troubled marriage support. Saying that all the people involved in these activities are selfless is also problematic. Volunteer organizations have division, politics, and sometimes need change just like any other organization. Beatifying their leaders and participants makes growth next to impossible.
My wife and I work with couples whose relationships are in crisis. One of the first things we share with them is to try and eliminate the words “always” and “never” from their conversations. Communication, rebuilding and growth stem from interactions where we don’t make absolute generalizations about each other. The same is true at an institutional level. All cops are not perfect. All cops are not bastards.
