Before You Get Angry, Do This
The world is a noisy place.
The world is a noisy place. We wake up rushing to our phones, thinking about our to-do list for the day, what style should be worn today, rushing to commute, and going on with our day, end it with sleeping only to wake up repeating the same routine.
With all the things rushing through our minds, we don’t actually make room to look into ourselves and process some unprocessed feelings. With all the things rushing through our time, we simply swipe our emotions under the mat, moved forward, and never looked back.
Until one day, say there’s a colleague of yours who threw a simple joke about that one particular thing you were hiding from yourself. No laughter burst, just anger.
We assume this happened because we woke up on the wrong side of the bed, or because we were hungry, or because we lack sleep. These are indeed valid reasons, but what if I tell you the reason is bigger than that?
“Where there is anger, there is always pain underneath”
— Eckhart Tolle
I’ve recently found out about the Anger Iceberg below by the Gottman Institue, which pretty much sums up everything.
There are bigger reasons for our anger. Maybe we were hurt, attacked, embarrassed, envious, afraid. Okay so now we know that we got angry because we were embarrassed, but why did we feel embarrassed?
In my previous article about befriending your difficult feelings, I mentioned something about the Five-Whys method to understand the roots of all causes. We could’ve felt embarrassed because we were bullied in primary school. We might feel attacked perhaps because we were pressed as a child.
I personally believe that we are who we are as an adult has so much to do with who we are as a child. Most of the time it’s because as adults, we’ve never truly forgiven our inner child hence we act the way we do as an escape from our past selves.
Maybe deep down there’s a little child that seeks your attention. Because I know mine growls from time to time and I meditate to really face and feel the pain.
To listen more to yourself and how you feel (not necessarily the child inside), I would suggest doing these three things gradually:
1. Wake Up Earlier
Waking up five to ten minutes earlier gives you time to yourself instead of rushing. Give yourself some time to feel the warmth of your bedsheet, the comfort of your pillow, the feeling you have right now, and what you are grateful for this morning.
2. Don’t Reach Out to Your Phone Just Yet
While giving yourself the five to ten minutes mental kick-start, instead of rushing to your phone to check your notifications, try to stretch your body. Try to feel the sensations rushing through your muscles as you give a little stretch to your toes, back, hands, and slowly open up your eyes and be ready for the world.
3. Quick Reflection
On weekends or any when you find time for yourself try to do some self-reflection. Try to think of the things that make you mad, sad, happy, and ask yourself why. Try to seek gratitude on both order and chaos to balance yourself to where you are right in the now. Reflect upon challenges and small-wins that you’ve encountered throughout the day or the week and appreciate yourself for surviving yet another day.
There isn’t much to say further, but there is so much to do forwards. I suggest to reflect upon ourselves before we get triggered too easily. Remember, just before you go off to react upon something, ask yourself: why?
I hope you find peace and beauty midst this chaotic and noisy world.
