Bury Your Dead
To have the life you want now, stop re-living your past shortcomings.
Author Robert Crais’s popular LA detective novel series is centered around two hard-nosed characters: Elvis Cole and his no-nonsense partner, Joe Pike.
In addition to his government-issue aviator glasses that the gruff Vietnam vet never seems to take off, Pike’s other unique physical trait is the red arrows tattooed on each of his deltoids. They serve as a reminder of the direction in which he always needs to move.
Forward.
You, my friend, are now Joe Pike. Every time that you start dwelling on the past, stop and visualize that you have those arrows on each shoulder and adjust your direction accordingly.
Too often, our present opportunities get swallowed up by the destructive habit of living in the past. Instead of making the best of the here and now, we waste our time sifting through the over and done.
‘Stop being a prisoner of your past. Become the architect of your future.’
– Robin Sharma
All time that has preceded this moment is, in essence, dead time.
It has ceased.
Expired.
There is no more life force for you to tap into and draw energy from. Instead, by lingering there, it steals power away from the only place that matters.
The present.
Would you perform CPR on a rotting corpse? Don’t waste your time and resources on something you can’t bring back to life.
Another trap that some fall into is an obsession to rewrite the past by mixing fact with fiction.
Depending on their current emotional state, one might use artistic license to downplay a really horrible past experience or overdramatize some relatively benign memory.
For example, a man who feels lonely or horny or insecure might whitewash the memory of his ex cheating on him so he can feel okay about climbing back in bed with her.
‘She said it only happened that one time and it was just the tip, so….’
Stop reliving and revising your past. As the first sentence of the Serenity Prayer instructs: ‘Accept the things you can’t change.’
Come to terms with the good, bad and ugly of your past, including the part you played in it.
If you hold some regret over things you did or said in the past, join the club. We’ve all fallen short of who we hoped to be at one time or another. All you can do is vow to do better and then honor that vow in the only place you can.
THE PRESENT
The last point I want to stress about the perils of time travel is that you should never, under any circumstance, get back with your ex. Maybe you think that’s a harsh statement or I’m just being a jaded prick.
While you may be right on both accounts, it doesn’t make the statement wrong.
In Stephen King’s great novel, Pet Semetary, the main character becomes overcome with grief when his young son is tragically killed. In a desperate attempt to bring his son back, he takes the boy’s body to an ancient burial ground that has the dark power to resurrect its inhabitants.
To the father’s elation, it works. His son returns to him. Except… he is not the same person anymore. He might look the same, but inside he is soulless and vengeful.
When you are dealing with the end of a long-term relationship, there will be days (perhaps months) of oscillating remorse, anger and self-bargaining. During these waves, the desire to reconcile might seem like a really good idea.
It isn’t.
To quote the King novel, ‘Sometimes, dead is better…’
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