Dear Self, Please Stop Comparing Yourself to Others!
My life sucks, but it seems to suck more because other people’s lives look so much better.
When I just graduated and was looking for my first job, I never thought getting a job in a company and for a role that I prefer was so difficult! My GPA score was quite high, I was active in student organizations, my attitude and personality were amazing, how was I not the perfect candidate that all companies were looking for?
You know what sucked more? My colleagues were getting high paying jobs at top companies even when I graduated several months earlier! I was so frustrated with myself, blaming things that were out of my control. I was expecting an ideal outcome. If I applied to 10 jobs, then I should be getting 10 interviews, and at least 5 offers, 50% success rate. That’s not much to ask right?
This craving for instant results were getting worse even when I finally got a job, and social media certainly didn’t help. I saw my colleagues posted pictures of them going to business trips, staying in nice hotels, attending fancy events. Or other colleagues who got promoted and got the word “senior” added to their job title, after only working for one and a half year.
I was so jealous, I worked overtime frequently just to show my performance, and when the opportunity came, it was given to another team member who got the chance with a coin flip — no, I kid you not, I missed my first ever international business trip because of a stupid 500 Rupiah coin!
Oh, don’t get me started with those inspiring motivational speakers, ten tips on how to be financially independent at your twenties, the life changing habits of the world’s most successful people. I never felt inspired, I couldn’t keep up, I felt like a total trash— and I was feeling all these when I was only in my early twenties!
It’s stressing me out, like seriously!
I have a lot more to grumble, but you should get my point by now. I was at the age where I was no longer bound to follow a formal education system. I could no longer rely on ‘being in school’ to avoid my responsibilities as an adult. I was ‘released’ and expected to face the real world by myself.
The pressure was always so high, any decisions that I made will either make or break my future. I didn’t want to be a failure. I didn’t want to be left behind. It got worse when I’m surrounded by high achieving people that I kept comparing myself to, in addition to my own overly-harsh self-critiques.
Life is short, our prime days are shorter, everything has to be quick, has to be available right away. When the world is moving so fast, it unconsciously affects our cravings for instant results as well. My mind no longer tolerates delays and buffers. When I want it, I want it now!
But four years since, I no longer care that much about instant results. Do I still want it? Of course! Who doesn’t want to get promoted to a managerial role with a significant amount of salary raise? Or quickly getting into relationship with that girl that you have a hard crush on for months? But the question isn’t if I want it, but is it realistically possible?
The best way to manage our greedy expectations is the uncontrollable factor itself, a big fat slap across the face by the lovely “reality”. Oh, you want that promotion? Let’s work on improving that skill of yours that require at least 1,5 years to prove that you are capable to perform in that level. You want to date that girl? Let’s work on the various aspects of your physique, personality, and behavior because you’re totally not her type!
The only thing instant is that cup of noodle!
And even that, you still need to boil the water, open the package, put the seasonings, pour the water, and wait for three minutes! People tend to forget that there are steps you need to take to achieve what you want, and those steps aren’t always easy. There are mini steps to even get to the next step as well, and they are all in different sizes!
I realized that I can’t compare myself with other people because we all start from different steps. You can’t compare a person who is born into a financially insufficient family, where the first priority is to find money to buy proper meals and pay next month’s rent to another person whose parents have enough wealth for three generations and their biggest dilemma is whether to spend their full month vacation in Switzerland or New Zealand.
In the real world, these people with various backgrounds will meet and overlap, either in universities, workplace, or other social context. You’ll be fighting for the same job openings, same crushes, and our society has been formed to benefit those who have the early head starts in life. For the rest? Go find a cheat code or something, good luck playing catch up!
Life has taught me to just look straight, see what’s the 34th step to reach that personal goal I have on the 27518th step. It has no use to keep thinking about the final step when there are twenty thousand more to go. I don’t even want to think about ten thousand, one thousand, or even one hundred step! It’s just too far from where I am now.
For example, when you want to get a new job, you don’t just apply out of nowhere, there are steps to it. First, you’ll need to work on your resume, create the outline, list out and elaborate your work achievements, then edit it into a presentable form. Next, find the job openings, list your ideal roles and companies, look into your network to get referred to, go to their career pages, LinkedIn Jobs, or other job portals, click ‘Apply’. Then prepare for your interviews, read the job requirements, learn the values of the company, find interview questions online, do mock interviews. Finally, for the closing stage, calculate your current compensation and your expectations, decide on the offer given and starting date, write and send a resignation letter to your current employer, do the handovers and off boarding, and prepare yourself to start in the new role.
It’s a lot of steps for a simple ‘want’, isn’t it?
Life isn’t fair, but I’ll try to make the most out of it.
Life is not a race, it’s a marathon, and everyone has their own finish line. I can’t compare myself with people because their lives aren’t as what they seem. They might be better in some aspects of life, but there are different challenges when you’re in that circumstance as well, and they are trying their best to get past that too.
Rather than succumb to the unfairness of life and always seeing myself as a victim, I’m proud with myself for being able to get to where I am now. Life is hard and I’m doing fine so far. Various factors have shaped me into who I am and I honestly don’t have anything to complain. Yes, I’ve thought about being in other people’s shoes once in a while, just to have a taste of how awesome it could be. But I know I’ll always have something else to not be happy about.
I love hanging out with people from different socioeconomic background because I can learn what they’ve gone through that I’ve never had the chance to experience. What are the positive things they can enjoy, and what are the negative things they need to face in their lives.
I listen to their stories about how they’ve travelled the world, how they’ve invested their wealths, how they’ve started their businesses. I’ve never done any of those, but it made me want to start doing it as well. I see this as an opportunity to understand their mindset to broaden my perspectives towards achieving my own goals.
I’m the writer and main actor of my own movie and I just need to focus on creating my own mind blowing plot. I will one day go to Hollywood and then win the Oscars, that’s personally awarded to me, and me only!
