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Family Estrangement at Christmas is Hard — Here’s How to Make it Less So
When Christmas with your family is anything but a Hallmark moment.
If you asked me to recount my happiest Christmas memory, I’m not sure I could select a single one that has not consisted of tension thick enough to carve, wailing and gnashing of teeth, and the inevitable slam of the door as my mother walks out before Christmas pudding has even been served (perfectly timed to avoid having to wash the dishes, so very her). In fact, if there has been one Christmas even close to enjoyable, my mind would still be too occupied with comprehending this anomaly to actually recall it.
My mother and I parted ways almost two years ago, after yet another pretend-happy-family-Christmas turned volatile. The nature of who made the decision to sever the relationship with whom is murky but either way, as the second Christmas estranged from my mother approaches, I realise there is less conflict of emotion this year than there was last year around all of this — that the complicated layers of rejection, abandonment and isolation have eased, leaving in their wake only a dull ache that I have come to understand as grief.
It’s not a type of grief that sees me saddened at the loss of the toxic dynamic that would accompany every holiday event I sought…
