Have a Standard: Boundaries, Narcissism, and Toxic Attraction
The very thing about me, that was true, that I wanted them to see and value was that I would literally do anything. Anything! I would have endured anything along the path and I wanted them to see that that was what made me safe. I wanted them to be comforted by that.
Now I see that that is exactly what kept pushing them away. What I was selling as a trait of strength, was actually a trait of weakness. Their inner being sensed this and they continued to push me to set a boundary, to set a standard for myself, but I refused. I continued to adapt to their dysfunction, lost myself, and went crazy along the way. Turns out, this willingness to sell myself short is actually what made me unsafe, untrustworthy.
A man with a standard is a man of resolve and strength. He is trustworthy because you know where he stands, and he doesn’t move when pushed. Of course, we can be too strong in our standard at the expense of our relationships, but that is the other end of the spectrum. The end that we stand on is one that doesn’t have a standard, that allows other people to dictate what our standard is in a given moment. So we only attract people, who want to push their own standards, and do whatever they want because we allow it.
A man must have a limit. A standard of value by which he lives. Failure to set boundaries that protect your values and your dignity is a weakness. Getting walked all over in the name of peace is not Godly, it’s not righteous, rather it is weak and spineless. I’m not saying the answer is to fight, that’s not what boundaries are about. Though they could Be. No, first it is about setting the limit of tolerance and doing this in the name of the pursuit of growth. That means that im not only telling you how far I will tolerate your behavior, but I’m acting in a way that promotes my growth behind the standards. Boundaries are not something we necessarily declare. They are something we act out.
