How Do You Like to Be Yelled At?

Let’s be honest, contrary to the title of this article, no one really likes to be yelled at, but if we are being honest, we all know at times, we definitely need to be.

As a former athlete and someone who has been coached, I have had my fair share of being yelled at by different coaches. Some were extremely harsh and some were less. Both (at least as I reflect back) appeared to be in an attempt to improve my performance. But what’s interesting, my response to these altercations were very different. For example, with one such coach I ended up completed resenting him by the way he directed his approach to myself and my teammates, however with another coach I absolutely thrived under him. When I look back in comparison of these coaches the variable that was distinguishable wasn’t the intent of the message, but rather how the message was communicated. With the former coach, the communication was completely tyrannical and authoritarian, whereas the latter coach was much more empowering. In both cases, I was completely stripped down in each moment, but how I responded was very different. Though I continued to give me all from a performance standpoint, I was filled with resentment and dislike towards the first coach, whereas I had more passion and drive as a result of the latter coach.

How I was being yelled ultimately affected my performance and future performances under each coach.

Coaching is a relationship built on trust, motivation, and often, tough love. A coach’s role is to guide you toward your goals, pushing you to your limits while helping you stay on track. But what happens when you’re not holding up your end of the bargain? When accountability slips, and your progress stalls, it’s natural for a coach to step in and address the issue. However, the way they deliver their message can significantly impact how you receive it and how motivated you feel to get back on track. So, how do you want to be yelled at by your coach when you’re not being accountable?

Understanding the Purpose of Accountability

Before diving into the dynamics of coaching communication, it’s essential to understand why accountability matters. Accountability is about taking responsibility for your actions, whether in a fitness program, a sports team, or a personal development journey. It means showing up, putting in the effort, and committing to the process. When you’re accountable, you’re not just answerable to your coach but also to yourself and your goals.

When accountability lapses, it can slow progress, disrupt team dynamics, and erode the trust between you and your coach. In these moments, your coach might feel the need to “yell” or assertively address the situation. But the effectiveness of this approach depends on how it’s delivered and received.

The Art of Constructive Criticism

Most people don’t respond well to being yelled at in the traditional sense — raised voices, harsh words, and a tone that feels more punitive than productive. However, there’s a difference between destructive criticism and constructive criticism. Constructive criticism, even when delivered with intensity, aims to motivate and correct behavior rather than belittle or shame.

When it comes to being held accountable by your coach, consider the following approaches:

The Tough but Fair Approach

One effective way a coach can “yell” at you is by being tough but fair. This approach involves being direct and assertive, clearly pointing out where you’ve fallen short, but doing so in a way that feels justified and focused on improvement.

• Direct Communication: A coach who uses clear, no-nonsense language to address accountability issues can be very effective. They might say, “You haven’t been consistent with your training, and it’s affecting your progress. You need to step it up if you want to reach your goals.”
• Focus on Solutions: Rather than just highlighting the problem, this approach should also focus on what needs to be done to correct the course. “You missed three coaching calls this month. What can we do to make sure you’re there every time?”
• Respect and Empathy: Even when being tough, a good coach shows respect and empathy. They understand that life happens, and sometimes, accountability slips for reasons beyond your control. Acknowledging these factors while still holding you responsible can help maintain a positive relationship.

The Motivational Kick

Some people respond well to a more motivational style, where the coach’s “yelling” is more about inspiring a renewed sense of purpose and drive.

• Passionate Encouragement: This approach involves a coach using their energy and passion to ignite a fire within you. Instead of focusing solely on what you did wrong, they remind you of what you’re capable of and why you started in the first place. “I know you can do better than this! You have the potential to be great, but you need to commit!”
• Positive Reinforcement: Alongside the critique, a coach using this method might highlight past successes as a way to remind you of your strengths. “Remember how hard you worked to get here? You’ve done it before, and you can do it again. Don’t let this slip up define you.”
• Goal Reaffirmation: Reconnecting you with your goals can be a powerful motivator. “You said you wanted to achieve X by the end of the season. That’s still within reach, but only if you start showing up now.”

The Accountability Partner

In some cases, a coach might take a more collaborative approach, positioning themselves as an accountability partner rather than an authority figure.

• Shared Responsibility: This approach involves the coach working with you to figure out what went wrong and how to fix it together. “We both want to see you succeed. Let’s figure out what’s getting in the way and come up with a plan to move forward.”
• Open Dialogue: A coach using this method might invite you to share your side of the story, fostering an open conversation about challenges and solutions. “Let’s talk about why you’ve been struggling to stay on track. How can I support you better?”
• Consistent Check-Ins: This approach also involves regular check-ins to ensure you’re staying accountable, offering guidance and support along the way. “I’ll check in with you every week to make sure we’re both staying on top of this. We’re in this together.”

Tailoring the Approach

Ultimately, the best way for a coach to address accountability depends on the individual athlete or client. Some people thrive under tough love, while others respond better to encouragement and support. Being “yelled at” by a coach when you’re not accountable isn’t about punishment — it’s about correction, motivation, and growth. Whether through tough love, motivational speech, or partnership, the goal is to realign you with your objectives and ensure you’re moving forward. By understanding the different ways a coach can address accountability, you can better prepare yourself to receive the feedback constructively, ultimately leading to greater success in your fitness journey.

I know as a coach now myself, I lean at times a little more to the accountability partner, however I do recognize and acknowledge that all my clients are not the same, and I need to adjust to be more tough and/or motivational when the situation arises, because what really matters, is the client gets the results they want and I can help them achieve that.

If this resonated with you, feel free to reach out to me and let me know how you like to be yelled at, I’d love to hear your thoughts. And if you are looking for a coach to yell at you the way you need, I would love to have that conversation with you too!!

Dr. Dan Dodd is an Exercise Science professional and Coach for Body Systems, a nutrition and training coaching company. Dan is an avid writer on nutrition, exercise, metabolism and body composition. If you’d like to receive more stories, subscribe to get these stories and more.