Happiness & Self Improvement
How to Feel Better About Yourself Starting Today
The simple, little known method recommended by psychologists.
A young woman was blocking the entrance to the hospital elevator. I thought she might be lost or injured, so I asked if I could help. But she immediately started insulting me. That’s the beginning of one of my fondest memories.
I can’t recall exactly what she said. Or maybe it was the fierce way she glared at my toddler son that tipped me off? I somehow guessed she was losing a baby. She confirmed this with a nod and burst into tears.
I took her to the sitting area, and through hiccups and a half box of tissues she gradually explained. She’d come from a routine ultrasound appointment upstairs — where she’d learned her baby’s heart had stopped beating. The person who broke the news had been cold and clinical. There had been no comfort — much less counselling. She was simply told to go downstairs and find someone who could book her in for a procedure to remove the foetus. She was already bleeding and cramping.
I was puzzled they’d sent her downstairs by herself. They expected her to arrange her own medical treatment in this state? Really? Surely very few women could do that calmly or effectively under such circumstances?
She’d been unable to explain any of this to the downstairs staff. In fact they’d refused to deal with her at reception until she could speak to them nicely. But she couldn’t. So she simply stood and glared — frozen in her grief.
So your Auntie Amy stepped in to do it for her. I stayed with her until she got settled in a hospital bed with pain medication. We talked a long while and she cried her thanks. Then I collected her husband. He’d just finished work and didn’t have a car. He too was teary in his appreciation. Apparently this was the third child they’d lost.
It made me feel good to be able to help in their moment of need. Even years later, this memory still makes me feel better about myself on a hard day.
It turns out I’m not a special snowflake. Performing acts of kindness significantly improves your own well being. This 2018 research revealed that being kind is as effective as popular therapeutic techniques. Like practicing gratitude, positive thinking, and mindfulness.
Here’s three reasons why being kind might make the giver feel good about themselves:
1 We all feel purposeless or worthless sometimes. But when we ease someone else’s burden, it increases our own sense of significance. We have direct evidence that our presence made a positive difference in the world.
2 We know we’re sometimes selfish, petty, or uncaring. These negative self assessments make us feel worse about ourselves. But when we perform random acts of kindness, we feel proud of ourselves. Our perception of our own character and value becomes more positive.
3 We humans tend to be consumed by our own problems and disadvantages. Recognising and responding to someone else’s need gives us perspective. We’re reminded that everyone has hardships. And that we are people who are capable of dealing with real problems.
So perform an act of kindness for someone. It’s a fast and easy way to feel better about yourself. The possibilities are endless — and they don’t have to be a big deal.
Here’s some simple examples:
- Offer someone your seat on the bus.
- Help a stranger carry heavy shopping to their car.
- Mow your neighbor’s lawn when you do your own.
- Offer someone a ride when their car is out of action.
- Call someone who is lonely or isolated.
- Proof read someone’s work for them.
- Stop and guide someone who looks lost.
- Wish someone a happy birthday who wouldn’t expect you to remember.
Consider improving someone else’s day — today. And reap the benefits yourself. It’s not just Auntie Amy’s advice — it’s science.
