It’s Okay to Quit!
My observations and experiences with the art of ‘quitting’.
Yes, you read it right. It’s absolutely okay to quit.
Since forever we have been told that quitting is not an option. Our family, friends, peers, colleagues and even the internet is full of unsolicited advice on how to never give up. Great thinkers and philosophers have left their two cents on the subject. The very famous words of Friedrich Nietzsche, “What doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger”, have been turned into both a movie and a song. We have another one from Lance Armstrong, “Pain is temporary, Quitting lasts forever.”
But what if the pain isn’t temporary, what if it does last forever? The pain of having to continue, the anguish of not being able to quit only because it has been ingrained in you that it wasn’t okay to do so.
When I was an impressionable 1 year old I was narrated the timeless fable of the tortoise and the hare, where the tortoise wins a race against the hare. Throughout the run, the tortoise in the story, keeps at it and does not stop to rest, take cover or even drink water. The moral of the story is that slow and steady wins the race. It was repeated to me over the years. For me, the two takeaways were firstly, life is a race and secondly, always push yourself until you win the race.
What I never questioned was, is it pragmatic to pitch a tortoise against a hare. What if the tortoise wanted to rest for a while, what if it wanted to change its path or simply, admire the beauty of the path? Would the society still be appreciative of the tortoise’s decision?
Over the years, the society has almost demonized the concept of giving up. We hear words like, “Quitting is for losers”, “A Quitter never wins”, “For Losers: Quitting is an option”. It seems borderline criminal to quit. The daunting pressure from having to continue something which you aren’t happy with and the added duress of being labelled a ‘Quitter’ is a lot to handle. The immense fear of being brandished as a ‘LOSER’ becomes an albatross around your neck.
I am all for motivation and resilience. Yet, I am certain there are people out there who need to know that it is okay to quit. You should be able to think through your actions without having to undergo all the magnificent pressure that comes with the words “I quit”.
My experiences with Quitting.
1. Quitting on relationships — I struggled for close to a year and a half to completely free myself from the shackles of a toxic relationship. I cried myself to sleep every other day, isolated myself from my friends and overlooked all the mental abuse coming my way. I carried around this immense baggage of fear — of being alone. I kept going back to the person, in hope that things might improve, even though I knew better. For me it was never okay to quit on relationships, be it friendships, blood relations or otherwise. Now, I would say, it was imprudent on my part to not have let go earlier and waste a precious year on that relationship.
In the heart of hearts, I knew that it wasn’t for the long haul and I should have called it quits much earlier. I desperately wanted to end that relationship but I didn’t stand up for myself when I should have.
2. Quitting on a Job/Project — There came a time in my professional life, when I was working for one of the best companies in India, yet I detested my work. Going to work became an everyday ordeal. There came a point when I couldn’t get myself out of the bed to get ready for office. I used to call my manager and request for either a leave or permission to work from home. My family and friends kept telling me to push harder and things would soon fall in place, it was after-all a dream company for many. But it wasn’t happening. My mental and physical health kept deteriorating as I felt suffocated in that environment. I didn’t have another job, I didn’t know what I wanted in my career, all I knew was I couldn’t continue with the status quo. And, I quit! I didn’t work for the next entire year because I planned not to. I moved to my parent’s house, lived off my savings and it was enough to tide me through a year.
In hindsight, it took a lot of courage to take that leap of faith. A year of nothingness actually helped me clear my thoughts. I was always the tortoise in the race — considering life to be an incessant race — it never occurred to me to stop and rest for a while only to realize that the only person I had to compete with was myself.
3. Quitting on yourself — This is the only ‘type’ of quitting which I would never recommend ! I have had a slight brush with suicidal thoughts and depression, but I was fortunate enough to have a support system which did not let me quit on myself. I have known friends to inflict self-harm. I have had friends deal with bulimia. And it is heart-wrenching to see people you love and care for, tear apart their own lives.
Perhaps, not every wave can be conquered alone, sometimes, you need someone or something to make you feel whole again. It is okay to seek help, professional or otherwise. It is perfectly alright to be your vulnerable self and let your guard down. It is just not okay to give up on life.
There come times, when it becomes imperative to quit. The key is to know WHEN and WHY.
Never giving up is so over-rated! You should know when it is not okay to push yourself further. It is not okay to take yourself to a state of mental and/or physical breakdown to realize it’s time to quit. Your heart knows what it wants. It will tell you what choices makes you happy. Even when the consequences may be unpleasant, just remind yourself that you are doing this for yourself. Have a plan of action after you quit, it will simply reduce the anxiety associated with the “aftermath of quitting”. Even if your plan is to sit at home and do nothing, then keep reminding yourself why you did it in the first place. Failing, quitting and introspecting will nothing but contribute to your zest for life!
The society needs to change its outlook on quitting as well. Employers need to quit obsessing over gap-years and be more accepting of job-seekers with career-breaks (without a reason even!). People need to quit judging others with a yardstick of unattainable gold-standards. They need to be rather accepting of single-parents, embracing those who have attempted suicides, those who come from broken families and be more compassionate. Parents need to quit comparing their children with others and stop with the pressure to excel at every task fathomable. We as individuals need to be more accepting and less critical of our failures.
For certain, the world would be a better place without the inconspicuous burden of the loaded words “I quit” off our shoulders!
