Man, Here Is How to Be with a Powerful Women
The stereotype of men being the breadwinner in the relationship is long behind us. More and more women are building successful careers — and that’s a good thing, however, it causes the shift of dynamics in some relationships. Even the author of “Man are from Mars Women are from Venus” John Gray had to revisit the views in his classical work to address the shift in society. So what happens when you are in a relationship with an uber-successful woman?
How can you as a man, continue to feel secure in yourself while building a relationship that feels safe and rewarding for both of you?
I chatted with relationships coach, Juliette Karaman who has worked with many couples facing this shift in dynamics. Juliette believes, there are a few key things a man can do to ensure a solid, satisfying, and supportive relationship with their lover.
How To Be A Better Lover For Your Successful Partner
Help her shift into a feminine state
Polarity is very important in relationships. When she is used to leading at work and might automatically be falling into that pattern at home as well. That’s might be frustrating for some men. The worst-case scenario is when in response to her testosterone man assumes a more soft and feminine role. Ultimately, this scenario does not let either of the partners fully relax and recover.
When your alpha-women comes home from work, what she needs is some time and environment to shift back into a feminine state. Running from office and straight into house chores will just keep her in that high-power achiever state.
A strong woman can do everything herself, and that will be her standard way of operating. Yet she is yearning for a partner who can help lift the load. She values having support and a partner who notices all the balls she holds and is happy to take care of some of these for her, or to delegate them to someone else, making sure the ball is not dropped on this.
- Things like getting groceries in, the special cereal she likes, the nut milk she drinks in her coffee;
- Dishwasher emptied;
- Rubbish taken out;
- Some flowers that she likes, music that relaxes her, or delicious naughty ice cream she desires when she is stressed.
Those are just examples for inspiration, each relationship will have its version. It may take a bit of trial and error. Find your own little ways that will let her know that you have got her back and give her a little breather when she gets back from the office.
Establish your presence
Once she had a chance to breathe a little, a real polarity can be established. In “Beyond Mars and Venus” John Gray notes that in today’s workplace women are required to fall into more masculine behavioral patterns, so to relax and recover, falling back into feminine is absolutely essential.
Intimacy therapist Juliette Karaman shares how a man can support that: “For her to relax into her feminine, you need to establish your masculine presence. You can work on your presence by doing the inner work: emotional intelligence and building your nervous system and embodiment exercises. No one can show up for their partner fully unless they continue to work on their own triggers.”
Juliette explains, that the way you show up to your partner when she first arrives home from work is extremely important for you and her. Make sure you are available for her. If you are not available let her know when you will be. When she comes to you, slow down and really be present with her. Stand in front of her with your feet firmly on the ground. Feel your feet rooted into the ground and allow your energy to expand. In other words, allow yourself to take up space in her presence.
Be in your own strong presence and then offer that to her by looking in her eyes, energetically taking in what her day has been like.
Once she relaxes into your strong masculine, hold her or ask her about her day. Establish a strong, constant presence that she can relax into when she gets home from a busy day.
Set Firm Boundaries
Forming boundaries around work and home/together time is the key.
With meetings, hard-to-match schedules, and urgent deadlines a chance to fall into trap of always pushing back on your quality time together. Plan a date at least once a week. You can take turns on taking the initiative on these date-days or nights. Plan something out of the ordinary. If you usually go out to dinner or lunch at a restaurant, why don’t you arrange a picnic at sunset in a beautiful location? Or go wild water rafting, or organize a couples massage. Ask her about things she liked to do as a child to get some ideas. Anything to interrupt your usual pattern. The excitement and novelty of something new create a chemical in our brain, dopamine, which is called a “feel-good neurotransmitter” because that is what it does.
Make the reservations. Tell her- or keep it a surprise, and you can even go as far as to make sure you have the proper clothing packed for her so that she can completely be indulged.
Communicate Consciously
Communication is important in any relationship. Conscious communication will help you establish what matters to each of you. It gives you a chance to connect intimately and establish how you want to show up as a team. It is less about having a conversation but really about both of you being understood.
Tell her what you love about her. What qualities do you admire and how proud you are of her and her accomplishments. From there, you two can discuss how you can best come together and show up in the world as a team. During these moments of conscious communication, make an effort to ask questions and really listen. Listen to understand, not just to respond.
Make Time For Intentional Intimacy
Juliette Karaman explains, this part is essential to proper dynamics. Conscious communication will help you establish how your partner likes to be touched, what brings her pleasure, and what gets her in the mood. Ask her what her desires are and how she prefers to be touched. She may not even know so stay curious, don’t assume anything!
You will be surprised what 20 minutes of nonsexual intimacy can do for a relationship. Think eye gazing, exploring different kinds of touch, engaging all the senses, and discovering erogenous zones. It’s the type of intimacy that builds strong connections and will likely lead to more satisfying and fulfilling sex.
Being a better lover to your successful partner starts with communication and attention to detail. The more intentional you are, and the more you ask her how you can help her feel loved and supported, the more she will open up to her feminine and blossom in response.
