Change Becomes You
Published in

Change Becomes You

Midnight Mind Puzzles: The 3 questions that should stop being asked

If I ever hear the baby stuff one more time…

Photo by Camylla Battani on Unsplash

At night, as the world is silent, sound asleep, and incredibly peaceful, I get up and spare some soulful moments in the coziness of my living room. I reflect on what has happened throughout the day, I think about the meaning of life, love, death, relationships, and goals.

Well, of course, occasionally I stumble upon a slipper, roll over, hit the coffee table, and spill my glass of water while trying to remember how to adult. But that’s another story.

Raise your hand if you have ever felt completely awkward and uncomfortable at family gatherings and school reunions while having eyes piercing your soul dying to shoot all those unnecessary questions.

It’s always been amusing for me to witness the complete tone-deafness of some people. Sure, we all try to communicate as openly as possible, but c’mon — there are just things that you should never ask, regardless of whether it’s a family member or an acquaintance who you randomly have met on the street while grocery shopping.

When are you going to have kids?

Let’s start from the very best — a huge amount of people assume that it’s perfectly okay to ask people about their offspring plans.

But hey, isn’t that similar to asking about when someone finds it appropriate to engage in unprotected sex with their partner? The kids subject is extremely sensitive to the majority of people.

If someone has decided that they do not want children, it’s quite likely that they are scared and feeling uncomfortable admitting it because they might unleash the Kraken of peoples’ wrath, anger, and utter disapproval. But, at the end of the day, if someone is quite sure that they lack the parent gene then it’s better for everyone if they just do not procreate. No one should feel ashamed and judged over their life decisions.

Another completely different and yet extremely important subject has to do with all the various health issues some may experience. Asking someone when are they having kids is like pouring salt in the wound — you never know what stuff are people dealing with behind closed doors. Just stop. Questions like this rarely spark a life-changing decision — probably they will only make the person want to have a nap.

Photo by Minnie Zhou on Unsplash

Do you really find this way of life to be enough?

Okay, have you ever been completely happy and at peace with the life you’ve been having for a while? Great, kudos to you, that’s probably one of the hardest stuff to achieve out there.

But then again, it’s never too late for a concerned friend to pop up out of nowhere asking if all this is really enough for you. See, people are quite different when it comes to life goals and understanding of happiness and success. If someone treasures what they have and find themselves at peace, congratulate them instead of trying to hint at your own ideas of great life while diminishing theirs. It’s so completely unnecessary.

Why don’t you stop feeling all these negative emotions and start throwing rainbows instead?

The thing with overwhelmingly positive people is that they rarely allow you to feel the complete spectrum of human emotions out there. I think we all need to remember that there will be days when we don’t feel quite good — sadness, depression, anger, disappointment, tiredness, bitterness are all conditions of the soul and they should not be eliminated just for the sake of being happy and positive all the time.

It’s healthy for all of us to live in the emotion while investigating it and tracing back its roots. Experts say that this is an appropriate way of self-awareness and healing.

Allow yourself to feel whatever. Happiness will come at its own pace.




Life advice that will (actually) change your life. Curated stories from The Good Men Project.

Recommended from Medium

Discard Elegance and Leap

Is Pain Good for You? A Look into a New North American Worldview

Stay Out of the Lake

The Teacher is *In*: how to live a better Life. The Naked Snowmobile!

HSF, Highly Sensitive Folk

Choose Your You and Accept

Path in the woods

Choosing Idols From a Famous Hollywood Crowd Is a Pointless Race

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store
Denitsa Kisimova

Denitsa Kisimova

Infatuated by words. Passionate about life. Music junkie, (over)thinker, bookishly curious, frequently having a sock sliding off.

More from Medium

How do we deal with feeling a

Interesting Pieces of Honesty

Are These Relationships Still Working For You?

Why good men are so difficult to attract and keep.