Retirement? Be Wary of Unique Surprises

The reality may bear very little resemblance to what you had imagined for all those years.

You work 30, 40 or even 50 years and finally retire. Something you’ve thought about for … well, longer than you can even remember.

And then reality bears very little resemblance to what you had imagined for all those years.

You’re surprised. In fact, you’re surprised that you are surprised. After all, you had planned for it, talked to others about it, daydreamed about how you would spend your time, visualized what the day would be like, etc. But then it happens: you feel disoriented, you don’t feel relevant, there’s a void, you experience a sense of identity loss, and you may even get bored and/or lonely.

Not to mention financial worries … some real and some just feared.

“People can go through hell when they retire and they will never say a word about it, often because they are embarrassed,” says Robert Delamontagne, author of the 2011 book The Retiring Mind: How to Make the Psychological Transition to Retirement. “The cultural norm for retirement is that you are living the good life.”

But maybe not. Here’s a look at some of the surprises that may derail you.

Frequently Occurring Issues

Decision paralysis. The choice to retire in the first place was extremely difficult and stressful — and likely consumed years (and maybe decades) of deliberation. And, then, upon retiring, you find that the myriad choices (financial and otherwise) that you need to make can be overwhelming.

“Depending upon the robustness of their personality, and the fact that aging can be a significant influence upon self-confidence, some retirees may not trust their ability to make appropriate decisions because there is so much at stake,” writes John W. Osborne of the University of Alberta. “Others may feel they can no longer muster the energy needed to act upon imminent decisions and lapse into procrastination and decision paralysis.”

Loss of self-identity. For years, you had a personal identity and a professional identity. You were a Vice President, or Manager or simply a very talented person doing a good job at what you really, really knew how to do. That was an important component of who you were … and, until recently, who you are. And then you retire, and you lose half of your identity. Increasingly, day after day, you realize how that external or self-perception was so important to you and gave you a feeling of self-worth (even as you complained about having to work every day!).

“We are all concerned about our financial portfolio, understandably, but one’s psychological portfolio is just as important,” observes Nancy Schlossberg, an author specializing in life transitions. “That means your psychological identity, your relationships, your purpose. Those are the things that change as you retire.”

Fear of the imminent unknown. What comes next? Prior to retiring, an individual’s view of “what comes next” was retirement and the anticipated euphoria of not having to go to work. Once retired, however, the next chapter becomes more of an unknown and can cause huge doubts, says Stewart Friedman, practice professor of management at Wharton School t the University of Pennsylvania and founding director of the Wharton Work/Life Integration Project.

“The questions people ask at earlier stages of life become more profound at these later stages,” he says. “Am I living the life I want to live? What is most important to me? Who is most important to me? You see the end, and so you think about what you want to do with the time that you have remaining. There is the question of: now what?”

The isolation thing. Being alone impacts retirees in two ways: loneliness, obviously, can create psychological and emotional problems. But isolation also presents a threat to one’s physical health.

“People who feel lonely are less healthy,” says Dr. Doug Nemecek, Cigna’s chief medical officer for behavioral health. “There are many studies linking loneliness to worsening heart disease, cancer, diabetes, depression and substance abuse. In fact, health wise, loneliness is comparable to smoking 15 cigarettes a day.”

And then there’s boredom. A survey by the National Citizens Service in the U.K. determined that the average retiree, in fact, becomes bored within a year after retiring. (Even worse: 10 percent of respondents were looking for things to do at the five-month period.) Some 27 percent of respondents added that retirement has presented them with more free time than expected. And one-quarter of those surveyed commented that each day seems to be a repeat of the previous day.

Retirees with a specific direction or purpose for their new status are able to avoid becoming one of these statistics. Without that purpose, observes the University of Toronto’s John Eastwood and team, you end up with an “unengaged mind.” A bored person, he claims, doesn’t make a decision to have nothing to do; in fact, he or she is looking for something with which to engage, but it isn’t working.

“In a nutshell,” Eastwood says, “it boils down to boredom being the unfulfilled desire for satisfying activity.”

Going Forward

There are numerous ideas about what you can do to avoid these pratfalls. Travel. Hobbies. Being a great grandparent. Learning. Exercising. You know the drill.

The most important thing, though, is not what you choose, it’s what is in your head.

Here’s a hint from Friedman at Wharton: He cites research providing strong evidence that the happiest retirees are those who discover a new sense of purpose by “giving back” in their next chapter in life. Financial? Yes, sure. But that’s not what he is talking about. Instead: a significant volunteer position or encore career.

“The most successful people in retirement look to use their talents and passions to make a contribution,” he says.

And if it improves your health … all the better.

According to a study by led by Carnegie Mellon University psychologist Sheldon Cohen: older adults who volunteer 200 or more hours annually post better improvement in psychological well-being than those who did not. They also were less likely to develop hypertension.

“Volunteering may also increase feelings of purpose and meaning in life,” notes Cohen.

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