The Importance of Healing Trauma
“Your external world mirrors your internal state. Heal the parts of you that need your attention or you will forever live out your pain for all to see.” — Dana Hall
Healing trauma is the most important process we can undergo as humans.
It improves our confidence, ability to find and maintain healthy relationships, and connects us to ourselves and a purpose.
Unless your enlightened or have already done some healing, we all have trauma that needs to be processed.
Invisible Wounds
“There are wounds that never show on the body that are deeper and more hurtful than anything that bleeds.” — Laurell K. Hamilton
Trauma has more faces than war veterans and victims of physical and emotional abuse.
Other forms of trauma:
- Unhealthy messages and misinformation from social media — fitness models, “hustlers,” and self-improvement gurus
- Approval and validation seeking through “followers”
- Teasing by friends and siblings
- Getting cheated on or rejected
- Moving or changing locations
The most common form and the one we all suffer from is our parents’ inability to meet our emotional needs. Our childhood dictates how susceptible we are to other forms of trauma.
A single mother raised me — already a disadvantage because I didn’t have a male model I could emulate — and between work, my brother, and dating, it was hard for my mom to give me the attention and comfort I needed.
Also, she struggled with her own unresolved trauma that manifested itself in many unhealthy behaviors.
I lived with my dad from eighth grade through high school. We have a lot in common, but he was very passive and uninvolved in my life. Granted, he had to work overtime to put food on the table for me, my brother, two half-sisters, and stepmom.
The lack of validation, attention, and comfort I received in my childhood made me seek it others. I struggled with girls most of my life because I was too scared to interact with them despite my desire for their affection.
My Invisible Wounds
“The greater a child’s terror, and the earlier it is experienced, the harder it becomes to develop a strong and healthy sense of self.” — Nathaniel Branden
I didn’t text, go on a date, or kiss a girl in high school. When I would pursue a girl, I’d get clingy and needed constant validation because I feared she’d lose interest.
My struggles inspired me to read books and watch videos about dating and relationships. I improved immensely.
I dated often, was seen as a “ladies man,” and got my first girlfriend. But my first relationship was unhealthy and didn’t last long.
Despite my success and knowledge, I still felt something was “off.” Also, a lot of the information, with good intentions, was harmful. Bad advice and outdated information are standard amidst the content overload we experience due to the internet.
In addition to my relational problems, I developed an eating disorder. I read bodybuilding magazines and diet books, promising six-pack abs and big muscles to lose weight.
I lost weight but gained a binge eating disorder.
Searching for answers, I began reading and watching videos about positive psychology, philosophy, spirituality, yoga, meditation, fasting, and Chinese herbs.
I didn’t begin making serious progress in all areas of my life until I found content about healing trauma, codependency, and authenticity.
Currently, I have less social anxiety, feel more energetic, excited, and peaceful. Also, I feel more connected to my work, others, myself, and have overcome my eating disorder.
How To Heal Trauma
“The conflict between the will to deny horrible events and the will to proclaim them aloud is the central dialectic of psychological trauma.” — Judith Lewis Herman
Besides events and outer influences, the leading cause of trauma is labeling our internal experience.
Labeling thoughts and feelings as “bad,” or believing you shouldn’t have them, causes splits within your identity. The “negative” feelings are viewed as the inadequate expressions of your personality, whereas the “positive” feelings are admirable.
When the negative emotions are triggered, so is the shame of their existence. We don’t like to experience shame and guilt, so we suppress it.
To heal trauma, we have to process and integrate the parts of ourselves we deem undesirable. To do this, we have to practice self-acceptance and self-compassion.
In this context, self-acceptance is the integration of all aspects of ourselves — the unconditional approval of our inner experience and outer manifestations.
Self-acceptance rids the splits — good vs bad, right vs wrong — interpretations that suppress trauma and control our self-perception.
Self-compassion supplements acceptance because it helps soothe the process of experiencing difficult emotions. Also, compassion self-talk rewires the brain and body for positive thoughts and feelings.
“It’s ok” is an organic internal expression when applying acceptance and compassion. Those two words are the beginning of phrases that validate and comfort your suffering.
I relied on those five letters while experiencing social anxiety and the hardships of gaining weight during recovery from binge eating.
“It’s ok to feel scared. Everyting’s going to fine.”
“It’s ok to feel scared. Fear is a normal emotion.”
“It’s ok to feel upset about gaining weight. You’re still funny, smart, self-aware, and disicplined.”
The Juice is Worth the Squeeze
“Trauma is hell on earth. Trauma resolved is a gift from the gods.” — Peter A. Levine
Healing isn’t a destination; “healed” doesn’t exist. Thinking so will have you racing towards an invisible finish line.
There will be thoughts, emotions, and behaviors you’ll be blind to until you longer breathe. But the more wounds you repair, the more love, authenticity, and peace you’ll experience.
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