The “Boys will be Boys” Mantra Is Obsolete
At the moment, masculinity is a work in progress.
We’ve heard this and accepted that certain aspects of manhood are given. But I find the “boys will be boys” ethos problematic for several reasons.
The concept is stagnant and doesn’t introduce any growth. To me, the way one starts out (as a boy) will continue throughout life, with the same “boyish” mentality, rather than evolving and maturing into a man. What we tell boys about themselves matters because they become what they believe.
For me, a boy is someone whose world revolves around their needs, and the focus is mainly on them because they need support to grow and become independent. However, a man understands that this life is not about him, it’s about others, and he can take care of his needs sufficiently (emotional, physical, intellectual, etc.).
Second, the concept strips men and boys of their agency to choose what kind of men they want to become. It keeps boys and men trapped in a stiff view of manhood — they can’t change because they have to be boys, not become men. And it robs them of an unexplored and expanding notion of what masculinity can be and the pleasures of knowing oneself more fully.
It is like living your entire life only on the ground floor of a house and not…
