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The Stories We Tell (And Where They Lead Us)
Are you the guy who always keeps it together, never lets them see you sweat?
By Gary Lavin
After a recent little league game, I overheard a comment from the bleachers: “We lost because of the coaching, not the players.”
And yeah — I’m not going to lie, that stung.
But once I got past the defensiveness (and the brief fantasy of throwing my clipboard across the field), I realized something: that voice I heard? It wasn’t just coming from the bleachers. It was mine. It was the voice I used on myself. The voice of judgment. Of shame. Of never being enough.
When we’re kids, we learn fast. Not just math or manners — we learn how to survive. We’re wired for survival. And as kids, survival means belonging. So when we face challenges — whether it’s being too loud, too sensitive, too energetic, or too emotional — we don’t fight to stay true to ourselves. We adapt. Survival means fitting in. Playing it safe. Being who we need to be so we don’t get kicked out of the tribe. And without even realizing it, we start writing a story about who we need to be to stay safe, accepted, and loved.
In my house growing up, I was a lot: Loud. Curious. High energy. I asked questions constantly. I took things apart just…
