The Value of My Worth

Worth is defined as the value equivalent to that of someone or something under consideration; the level at which someone or something deserves to be valued or rated. At a time in my life, I felt I had no worth, the value of my life wasn’t important or substance to mentioning. I would wake up and move around life with no purpose. As a disgruntled man, I couldn’t explain why I was so upset and irritated. It could have been a great day, yet I was frustrated about something. I never sought out a pity party because my negative thoughts were kept inside.

Several years back, when my wife and I were newlyweds, the topic of household income and who would pay for what was mentioned. I did everything possible to avoid the conversation, even though Melissa, my wife, wanted to help and plan for our future. As a young child, I felt comfortable because I based everything on my surroundings, the neighborhood I grew up in, friends, and family; to me, all of our statuses were the same. I was not aware there were two sides of the track.

Now, as an adult looking back at my childhood, I realize that we were poor and at times struggled with the basic needs of having food on our plates or which bill should be paid first and how long the other utilities would go unpaid. As I got older, I was comfortable at surviving because that is what was taught to me as I am sure my parents were taught by their parents, and so on. I wasn’t thinking about my highest potential, it wasn’t about thriving and enjoying life to the fullest. So why was I bothered and continuing to question what was in front of me? I was unable to understand my frustration; until now.

Our minds can stay complacent because change can be challenging. The frustration we may feel throughout our lives can go unresolved. Often, it takes being in a relationship before you can see yourself differently. Your value changes when it is no longer you. Being in a relationship, you can either take your partner in a direction you are comfortable with, surviving. Or you can evolve and allow alternate paths form your life. Alternatives to your worth can be bumpy but welcoming them can be life changing.

I can recall one time my wife was having a conversation about finances and how she was losing quite a bit of money from this particular investment firm. We were in the kitchen preparing our meals for dinner. Not sure why but this time, I was curious and asked how much she had lost, and she said, “I have lost just over 32 thousand dollars.”. I paused, attempting to comprehend that amount of money being lost, and my next question was something I had never asked her. Once more, I was comfortable not knowing about her finances because I was used to where I was at, surviving. “What is the remaining investment you have with this company?” I asked. “I still have over 270k invested with this company.”, Melissa stated. Again, I paused but now I am locked in on her and my mind is blown away. She continues to talk to me but the words I am hearing are muffled because I am still processing her previous statement. Now, she is in this conversation about her other investments, stocks, bonds, mutual funds, IRA and etc.

Imagine the schoolteacher in the Charlie Brown cartoon talking to her students; that is what I was hearing from Melissa. I was trying to listen, but I think I was too stunned to realize everything that she was saying. During this particular evening, as she was preparing for bed, I was looking at my bank account on my phone, reevaluating if I am truly comfortable on this side of the track or do I want more. Not necessarily more money but I wanted overall worth and value in life. At that moment, I realized that I am not content with surviving, and I too wanted to start thriving.

Before I continue with this story, I want to revisit being groomed by our family and the lessons that were taught to us as children. Remember, Melissa and I are intellectually equal as adults, but the opportunities that were provided as a child were completely different. With Melissa’s permission, I want to share a short story that she wrote as a child. The title of the story is called “A Pretty Elephant”.

Once upon a time there was a pretty elephant. She was beautiful. She lived in a beautiful castle. Everything was beautiful where she lived. She went on vacation, and everybody was sad because they had no water. The pretty elephant said we have two or maybe six ponds that we could share.

We could be happy but soon, they had no food. The pretty elephant said, “I don’t know how to solve this problem.” Then a cute deer walked by. The pretty elephant said, “Will you help us? We don’t have any food.” The deer said you could get a job and make money to buy food.” “Yes, that is a good idea”, said the elephant.

Melissa was seven when she wrote this and as an adult reading this, I found it to be funny, only because it truly explains her character. She has always been driven to be successful at everything she has done. Whether it was competing in sports as a collegiate athlete or getting her doctorate, the drive for success was embedded in her DNA as a young child. Melissa was provided with the tools for achievement from her parents. Her father started and created a successful house painting business to support his family. And just like her dad, Melissa’s father was taught by his parents how to be driven by working hard and understanding the value of a dollar.

I too was taught how to work hard by my parents, but it was different. Being taught how to survive as a black man, keeping your head down and work until the task is complete; trying not to disrupt the so-call caste system by not asking too many questions and collecting your dues on Friday, only to repeat the cycle. Being taught at school that you, your value for “this” society should be focused on being great as a laborer, the working class. To clarify, there is absolutely nothing wrong with teachers suggesting job recommendations in the blue-collar labor industry. The teacher should also lay out every opportunity that is available and discuss if you work hard in the classroom, other fields such as white collar, lawyer, doctors, becoming a politician; these jobs can also be available. Keyword: opportunity; If you, the adult, provide opportunities for the child and present the value of your recommendations, it is then up to the student to take hold and decide to pursue those choices.

A parent can teach their child what they know and as a parent, they can also push them to know and do more, more than what was afforded to them. The term, “don’t be like me, I want you to be better than me”, was echoed by my parents and they truly pushed me. But more, maybe through me or my teachers, I felt like I needed more tools to be successful; to be a better me.

I enjoy reading and deep diving into the latest nutritional models that are available but as a kid, I don’t recall having the passion for extra curriculum. Maybe it was suggested to me, and I didn’t pay attention, but I truly feel if a cause for higher learning was presented to me, maybe in a manner that would inspire me, I think I would have applied myself to be more.

We are all a product of our environment, both past and present. As Melissa’s environment molded her into becoming a professor and now an amazing therapist, her environment has molded into mine. I may not have had the opportunities presented to me as a child like my wife, but in my eyes, from my viewpoint, the present isn’t that far from the past. I have learned from my wife, and I took on the challenge of being better. I am now thriving and living life to the fullest. It is never too late to learn and grow from your current environment. Even if it may seem foreign because the particular teachings of finding greater worth and value may have been skipped in your past, the opportunity is available now. Take it, and don’t hesitate to go full throttle on a better success story.